Mystic Life - LTU 5

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 83

I feel like the honeymoon is over.

I've lost a lot of weight this run and I'm so happy about that but that feeling like I know I can go even further beyond is leaving me. As if my subconscious was saying "OK, you've gotten to the BMI 25 and that's enough". It's not enough, I wanna be fit, slim and healthy! So I will go further, even if my confidence that I can do it is waning.

I'm really getting scared. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I was boasting how well my NoFap is going? I had 2 week long streaks, now I do it every other day. Why? Because I'm scared, masturbation is my greatest coping and escape mechanism.

My eating habits had got worse as well, I don't eat as well as I did before. In huge part because I leave hope rarely but still, fact is a fact.

Anyhow, this LTU run is coming slowly to an end and I'll have to set for myself some goals for April as well as figure out which sub to run in May. Some nice topics to think about, to be honest.

I think I agree that "masturbation is my greatest coping and escape mechanism." sentence. In AM some stages stopping me from doing that, but it is coming again over and over. And it is almost has a pattern like "if I wanna start to doing some work about my future carrier," than I just am finding myself masturbating. trying to find that patterns causing me to masturbate, in stage 2, 3 ,4 it felt dramatically and in the other stages increasing. 
last run I did a 2 months of Nofap even not noticing it.  I am trying to find an answer for that. 

Did you notice which stages are causing you to more of doing this behaviour, I mean coping and escaping from what? 
Maybe this masturbating behaviour could be a general coping mechanism for a "certain" thing. I dont think it is about lackness of sex because too many married man still doing it.

I've had a great start. Like I'm saying all the time weight loss is the focus of this run and NoFap came somehow on its own. I guess simply the effect of the LTU. When was it that I've noticed my masturbation habits are back was at more or less the same time when I started noticing that I'm getting more and more physically attractive.

So what I guess is going on is that me being overweight made me feel unattractive and gave me an excuse not to do any sex- and love-centered pursuits. Now that it not no longer the case (or at least it won't be in a few months) there is a need for a new excuse. And self-sabotage by the means of masturbation sounds like a great one.

In short it came from a success, my subconscious trying to escape of what will happen when I'll finally be fit and attractive. That's my best guess at least.

BTW I love your avatar