LTU5 Journal - The hope

[zero_force]

Day 13-14 (1st and 2nd day of 3rd cycle)
I had some dreams-nightmares which I assume are about healing. Same in the day, I find myself frustrated, sad, unsupported unloved, alone which seems to be related to healing. Things I thought I cleared through emotional healing with specialists in the past but seem to still be there.


Day 16 (4th day of 3rd cycle)
This cycle I found myself overwhelmed with the healing part and I just had a thought if this is the 4th day as I will need a break. I was hoping it was a break day tonight and gladly it is.


Day 22 (4th day of 4th cycle)
Not much going on the past few days other than healing. 
In general the state during the past few days is:

• Self-esteem: I don't notice any highs but I know that it might be because I am already getting used to them. I don't doubt myself that much even though I feel less than other people or have thoughts that certain people are rejecting me.
  
• Procrastination and motivation: If I set the effectiveness of this module's all time high I felt from this program as 10, I am at 5 now which is way better than the 2 I was before starting the program. There is a lot of push for me to work and a lot of push of my old habits not to.
  
• Emotional healing: It is much much stronger. It is not that mild as it was before. It gets frustrating at points but still way more bearable than what I experienced in the past with ARA or DMSI A.
  

One of the things that came up and I question if it has something to do with LTU (or is affected by it) is the life review mode I am in. I do experience this life review phase myself from time to time. Every 2-3 months. But this time its different. It's more bold, it demands results and is pushing me to take it very seriously, not skip it and keeps bugging me until I take bold actions or make bold changes. It's like I cannot cheat away from it.