02-09-2020, 08:40 AM
Day 40
I cannot believe it's already day 40. I feel like I've just started this run... Amazing.
This past week had been hard, not because of sub but life circumstances. On Monday my mother went to the hospital for a planned surgery. Nothing major and nothing life-threatening but still. What that meant was that I spend entire weekend with her and most of this week either visiting her at the hospital or caring for her afterwards.
That wouldn't be too bad if not for the fact that the last time member of my family went to the hospital he did not left it alive. So both me and my mom were very stressed. What she went through is a story for another time perhaps. As for myself, well, 3 things.
First of all the fact that I was needed, that my mother needed me and my support was the thing that kept me same. When she left the hospital, everything was fine and I went back to the city I felt kind of lost after all the stress, more on that later.
Secondly I found exercises very helpful, but perhaps too much so. I lost easily 1kg this week and I think I went a bit over the edge this time. The problem is that now that I try to rest I really miss it, I feel almost lost resting and being unable to vent this stress.
Lastly I'm behind on my work. Obviously nobody will be mad at me for taking a week off in such circumstances but I am mad at myself. I had time to work while at home but I had no mind to it, I simply couldn't concentrate and couldn't bare myself to start working. To make matters worse now that I'm back in the city I'm still in this mindset.
I'd all be fine if I could simply get back to work on Monday and get set up in my typical work regimen. Instead though on Tuesday I'll be leaving for a conference so I'm now in this weird transition period between 2 extraordinary happenings - week with my mom and week at the conference. No time really to do much of anything but still I feel extremely guilty for being useless when it comes to my career this week. Add to that entire January being so-so and I don't feel too well on this front.
Do I look forward to this trip? Not really, it won't be a challenge and I take it more as an responsibility. I'll go there, present my work, meet a couple of colleges and I'll be back home before Friday night.
I cannot believe it's already day 40. I feel like I've just started this run... Amazing.
This past week had been hard, not because of sub but life circumstances. On Monday my mother went to the hospital for a planned surgery. Nothing major and nothing life-threatening but still. What that meant was that I spend entire weekend with her and most of this week either visiting her at the hospital or caring for her afterwards.
That wouldn't be too bad if not for the fact that the last time member of my family went to the hospital he did not left it alive. So both me and my mom were very stressed. What she went through is a story for another time perhaps. As for myself, well, 3 things.
First of all the fact that I was needed, that my mother needed me and my support was the thing that kept me same. When she left the hospital, everything was fine and I went back to the city I felt kind of lost after all the stress, more on that later.
Secondly I found exercises very helpful, but perhaps too much so. I lost easily 1kg this week and I think I went a bit over the edge this time. The problem is that now that I try to rest I really miss it, I feel almost lost resting and being unable to vent this stress.
Lastly I'm behind on my work. Obviously nobody will be mad at me for taking a week off in such circumstances but I am mad at myself. I had time to work while at home but I had no mind to it, I simply couldn't concentrate and couldn't bare myself to start working. To make matters worse now that I'm back in the city I'm still in this mindset.
I'd all be fine if I could simply get back to work on Monday and get set up in my typical work regimen. Instead though on Tuesday I'll be leaving for a conference so I'm now in this weird transition period between 2 extraordinary happenings - week with my mom and week at the conference. No time really to do much of anything but still I feel extremely guilty for being useless when it comes to my career this week. Add to that entire January being so-so and I don't feel too well on this front.
Do I look forward to this trip? Not really, it won't be a challenge and I take it more as an responsibility. I'll go there, present my work, meet a couple of colleges and I'll be back home before Friday night.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
