01-21-2020, 04:16 PM
Day 21
Lost about 1kg so far, good pace for my 5kg goal by the end of March.
That's not why I wanted to post today however. I wonder... do I want to suffer?
Maybe I do too much philosophy nowadays. I don't read per se but I listen to podcasts during my walks and philosophy is one of the topics at hand. So, I get exposed to likes of Nietzsche and Kierkegaard. And I think ideas of being lost in the infinite and in the finite, about anxiety and dread, they hit too hard right now.
Maybe I don't have my goals straight. I decided to focus on weight loss, with some successes nowadays, but it is demanding. I could be doing more with my time and my willpower. I could wait for more opportune time in Spring and Summer, instead I feel like I need to do it NOW.
Maybe I have it all wrong. When I'm in doubt I do the closest thing I have to a prayer. I ask myself a question and listen to the first thought I have. I listen to my intuition without any prejudices of what I want the answer to be. But the answers now lead to me some territories where I feel comfortable but I cannot be sure if it will lead me somewhere.
I'm sick of treading in place is what I'm saying.
And this weight loss affair, well, it's great but isn't it an excuse to postpone? "Oh, I will do this and that once I'm fit enough". It'll be swell if I do but what if I will finally get fit and I will find new excuses? "Oh, I will do this and that once I'm rich enough". Treading in place pretending I'm doing something. Repeating same old mistakes and suffering in comfort.
And still what I intend on doing for this run is this very excuse. Why? Because I've been fat all my life. It's who I was since I was 3. And if I am to redefine myself my weight problem is one of those I must address. It's just that... I cannot allow myself to use it as an excuse.
It's all about journey, not the destination after all. And treading in place in no journey.
Lost about 1kg so far, good pace for my 5kg goal by the end of March.
That's not why I wanted to post today however. I wonder... do I want to suffer?
Maybe I do too much philosophy nowadays. I don't read per se but I listen to podcasts during my walks and philosophy is one of the topics at hand. So, I get exposed to likes of Nietzsche and Kierkegaard. And I think ideas of being lost in the infinite and in the finite, about anxiety and dread, they hit too hard right now.
Maybe I don't have my goals straight. I decided to focus on weight loss, with some successes nowadays, but it is demanding. I could be doing more with my time and my willpower. I could wait for more opportune time in Spring and Summer, instead I feel like I need to do it NOW.
Maybe I have it all wrong. When I'm in doubt I do the closest thing I have to a prayer. I ask myself a question and listen to the first thought I have. I listen to my intuition without any prejudices of what I want the answer to be. But the answers now lead to me some territories where I feel comfortable but I cannot be sure if it will lead me somewhere.
I'm sick of treading in place is what I'm saying.
And this weight loss affair, well, it's great but isn't it an excuse to postpone? "Oh, I will do this and that once I'm fit enough". It'll be swell if I do but what if I will finally get fit and I will find new excuses? "Oh, I will do this and that once I'm rich enough". Treading in place pretending I'm doing something. Repeating same old mistakes and suffering in comfort.
And still what I intend on doing for this run is this very excuse. Why? Because I've been fat all my life. It's who I was since I was 3. And if I am to redefine myself my weight problem is one of those I must address. It's just that... I cannot allow myself to use it as an excuse.
It's all about journey, not the destination after all. And treading in place in no journey.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
