01-03-2020, 01:40 PM
As the result of my preemptive alpha strike, I just realized today that roughly 80-90% of the time I've had sex I've been having it in a more or less dissociative state. This would indicate quite a bit of fear. I've also on more than one occasion allowed myself to be used for sex even though I did not feel like it, but did so anyway based on a dumb presumption that if I don't wanna bone then my "man-card" shall be taken away, lol, and doing so further required me to dissociate from the act. Doing so is extremely draining and would usually result in my sex drive taking one hell of a nosedive for a prolonged time after (especially when I was with that ex of mine, as she was often stressing me out on purpose so I did not really want to have sex with her because I did not really like her whenever that would happen, lol). I do have a pretty good idea what's the cause of this, though, and am in the process of alpha-striking it out. I mean, we wouldn't want this to start acting up when I'm actually beginning to have fun, now would we? 
On the DRS front, I'm noticing a bit of an upswing in pesky thoughts that would be indicative of certain people thinking of me a lot, but they come and they go, and I was half-way expecting this since I have elected to raise the volume of the DMSI. I'll also try going back to 6 loops when I can (not this week, probably, as I'm touring from Tuesday on, and together with the DRS that's quite a bit of listening time). Note: the energetic requirements of running two different shields at the same time are tremendous, so don't try this at home.
I had to resort to doing quite a bit of energy replenishment (chi and jing) because I noticed beginning stages of exhaustion, especially after doing my fitness regimen. It's all good now. Just gonna have to find the time to do 15 minutes of focused re-energizing on each of these at least every other day.
Going to a birthday part-ay tomorrow, gonna see what happens. Returning to our regularly scheduled programming tonight.
On the DRS front, I'm noticing a bit of an upswing in pesky thoughts that would be indicative of certain people thinking of me a lot, but they come and they go, and I was half-way expecting this since I have elected to raise the volume of the DMSI. I'll also try going back to 6 loops when I can (not this week, probably, as I'm touring from Tuesday on, and together with the DRS that's quite a bit of listening time). Note: the energetic requirements of running two different shields at the same time are tremendous, so don't try this at home.
I had to resort to doing quite a bit of energy replenishment (chi and jing) because I noticed beginning stages of exhaustion, especially after doing my fitness regimen. It's all good now. Just gonna have to find the time to do 15 minutes of focused re-energizing on each of these at least every other day.Going to a birthday part-ay tomorrow, gonna see what happens. Returning to our regularly scheduled programming tonight.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
