12-30-2019, 08:03 PM
Day 6
I remembered when I was a kid about 10-12 years old, I was outside creating dirt tracks for matchbox cars when my mother came out laughing hysterically and taking photos of me, shaming me for playing a game she deemed was not age-appropriate. I later removed the film from the camera but did not rewind it, and that resulted in all the photos on the film being destroyed. When she found out, I was harshly berated and left to feel a mixture of shame, anger and resentment. My desire after reflecting on that event was to share the story with my mother and explain to her that losing all her precious photos was exactly what she deserved and I am glad it happened that way. Obviously I did not because what’s the point, but I thought it was an interesting memory to spontaneously resurface.
Day 7
An interesting week, I am sure the subliminal has had an effect. I have set up systems that should promote more productivity while reducing procrastination. There have been memories from the past resurfacing that forced me to reflect, and I have also noticed some resistance which shows in several ways:
1) I feel emotional
2) I stay up late even though I’m tired
3) I have more urge to isolate myself
4) I am less capable of resisting pleasurable, yet ultimately destructive, sensory activities
5) I lose motivation for daily habits and routines
Day 8 (1 loop)
I set the alarm for 5 am and listened to one loop while laying in bed. It did not seem overpowering and afterwards, I felt like I was in a stronger mental state. I completed my morning routine with more focus and clarity compared to the past couple of days, and as the morning rolled on, I noticed a sense of relaxation, excitement and self-acceptance all rolled into one. When I went out for a while, I just felt good about myself and strangely I felt taller, as I maintained a strong and confident posture. A few strangers randomly struck up a conversation with me, and being an introvert (INTJ), this does not usually happen, as my vibe tends to repel a greater percentage of the population than it does attract.
I remembered when I was a kid about 10-12 years old, I was outside creating dirt tracks for matchbox cars when my mother came out laughing hysterically and taking photos of me, shaming me for playing a game she deemed was not age-appropriate. I later removed the film from the camera but did not rewind it, and that resulted in all the photos on the film being destroyed. When she found out, I was harshly berated and left to feel a mixture of shame, anger and resentment. My desire after reflecting on that event was to share the story with my mother and explain to her that losing all her precious photos was exactly what she deserved and I am glad it happened that way. Obviously I did not because what’s the point, but I thought it was an interesting memory to spontaneously resurface.
Day 7
An interesting week, I am sure the subliminal has had an effect. I have set up systems that should promote more productivity while reducing procrastination. There have been memories from the past resurfacing that forced me to reflect, and I have also noticed some resistance which shows in several ways:
1) I feel emotional
2) I stay up late even though I’m tired
3) I have more urge to isolate myself
4) I am less capable of resisting pleasurable, yet ultimately destructive, sensory activities
5) I lose motivation for daily habits and routines
Day 8 (1 loop)
I set the alarm for 5 am and listened to one loop while laying in bed. It did not seem overpowering and afterwards, I felt like I was in a stronger mental state. I completed my morning routine with more focus and clarity compared to the past couple of days, and as the morning rolled on, I noticed a sense of relaxation, excitement and self-acceptance all rolled into one. When I went out for a while, I just felt good about myself and strangely I felt taller, as I maintained a strong and confident posture. A few strangers randomly struck up a conversation with me, and being an introvert (INTJ), this does not usually happen, as my vibe tends to repel a greater percentage of the population than it does attract.
