Day 4
For several weeks I was sleeping 10+ hours per night. I didn't really wanted to get up and did anything to prolong being asleep. A blind man can see that this is an avoidance tactic. I am trying to avoid some parts of my reality. And it is working really well. This evolved drastically during my most recent UMS run. I was on it for about 50 days, trying to power through what ever it was that needed powering through. But after weeks without improvement I saw no other choice but to change trains.
Things are getting better by the day. Small steps only, but improvement nonetheless. Another profound change is my verbalization. For the past four weeks on UMS I really had to struggle to express myself. As if I had only restricted or lagging access to my center(s) of speech. I was able to understand others perfectly, following mindbendingly complex ideas without problems. But talking ... I stumbled, was at a loss for every-day words, and unable to think creatively on a vocalized level. When writing I needed more energy/focus/force to express myself precisely, to the point that I wrote a lot less.
Again, this seems to bounce back to what I regard as baseline normal for me.
For several weeks I was sleeping 10+ hours per night. I didn't really wanted to get up and did anything to prolong being asleep. A blind man can see that this is an avoidance tactic. I am trying to avoid some parts of my reality. And it is working really well. This evolved drastically during my most recent UMS run. I was on it for about 50 days, trying to power through what ever it was that needed powering through. But after weeks without improvement I saw no other choice but to change trains.
Things are getting better by the day. Small steps only, but improvement nonetheless. Another profound change is my verbalization. For the past four weeks on UMS I really had to struggle to express myself. As if I had only restricted or lagging access to my center(s) of speech. I was able to understand others perfectly, following mindbendingly complex ideas without problems. But talking ... I stumbled, was at a loss for every-day words, and unable to think creatively on a vocalized level. When writing I needed more energy/focus/force to express myself precisely, to the point that I wrote a lot less.
Again, this seems to bounce back to what I regard as baseline normal for me.
_ - Third Stone From The Sun - _
