Time to Level UP!

[dbzjakecake]

Hello,
Been using the Subs here for awhile. I just stopped using them after I got my life back together, after a very serious depressive episode. The Last subbed I used was LTU. Its great and I recommend everyone using it.
Life right now just feels stagnant and wrong. Nothing is going on. Its strange but I feel depressive. Its been going on for a months now and I tried everything I could to uplift myself. I feel like I have become more closed off to the world. I feel my interactions with people are awkward and I can't flow or vibe with anyone. For some reason I can no longer hold conversations or make eye contact. My days just flow by and I'm on YouTube most of the time distracting myself. I'm in a rut and anything I do just gives me a spike in my mood but I always comes back down to this depressive baseline. SO I decided to use Subs again. I wanted to use something to get rid of the baseline depression. So decided to use Self Esteem 5.5g.

Its day two and I feel terrible. Haven't felt this bad in a while. All these sensations in my body are making me anxious and depressive. This is resistance or the negative crap I repressed in my head showing up in my body. I am having a hard time to focus on anything and just feel like being indoors. So far its brutal but keeping my hopes up to see what will happen afterwards.

[Shannon]

What other titles did you consider before landing on SE?

[dbzjakecake]

What other titles did you consider before landing on SE?

I considered DSMI as it seems to be the newest trend. I also thought of doing E2 again but felt last time I did it, it didn't show results. Also Positive Thinking and Positive Attitude was on the list as well but SE looked like it would be best for me.

[dbzjakecake]

Day 2
No effects so far. I been feeling the depression even more and so many past memories are resurfacing. Stuff I thought I forgot about are coming back. My body feels anxious and my vibe with people are off.

[dbzjakecake]

Week 1
No idea whats going on. Feel like more in a haze. Mind is clouded. Mood hasn't improved by much. Interactions with people vary. My low mood definitely effects it. My voice isn't as loud and feels held back; Like I don't want to be heard. Also feel like I don't know how to behave or act. I'm lost during any situation and don't know how to be.

[Shannon]

Day 2
No effects so far. I been feeling the depression even more and so many past memories are resurfacing. Stuff I thought I forgot about are coming back. My body feels anxious and my vibe with people are off.

Did you stop to think that the part in bold was the effect you are having so far? This is what happens when you start pushing against the negative beliefs that are holding you down and holding you back. They don't want to be replaced, and you can get results like this in the beginning. Changing things like this is a process, and you're not going to get positive effects instantly if this is what you are subconsciously focusing on and insisting must be true.

Week 1
No idea whats going on. Feel like more in a haze. Mind is clouded. Mood hasn't improved by much. Interactions with people vary. My low mood definitely effects it. My voice isn't as loud and feels held back; Like I don't want to be heard. Also feel like I don't know how to behave or act. I'm lost during any situation and don't know how to be.

What's happening is that you are making changes that some part of you does not want to make and it is resulting in turbulence subconsciously, which is experienced at the conscious level as what you describe. You are apparently so attuned to an identity level experience of low self esteem that increasing it is making you feel confused and lost. Now you must learn what it is to be what the program is pushing for, someone who has high self esteem.

If your belief system and even identity are built in such a way as to result in and embrace low self esteem, this will be a time of significant changes for you, during which you may feel lost, confused and uncertain. That is perfectly natural, and it's a normal part of the growth process.

You are changing from someone whose beliefs result in low self esteem, and whose identity is "low self esteem" to someone whose beliefs result in higher self esteem, and whose identity is no longer "low self esteem".

This is very good progress, Keep going.

[dbzjakecake]

I want to Thank Shannon for his reply. I understand more clearly at what is happening and glad to be making progress. There is no way I'll be stopping anytime soon.

[dbzjakecake]

Week 2
So whatever I was going through is done with and life just seems fine now. No more constant anxiety or constant feeling of panic. Feel like a weight has been lifted off me. Much more happier and feel more confident with myself. A complete 180 on how I felt just a week ago.

[dbzjakecake]

Week 3
Life just seems to be getting better and better. Just at a constant state of content. One thing I hear alot from people is that I always look tired and look like I'm bored. Also find myself joking around alot more and want to hang with my friends alot more.

[dbzjakecake]

Week 4
Same old, same old. Nothing really too report.

[dbzjakecake]

Week 6
Wow, Its already the end of July. Been on SE 5.5 for 1.5 months now. Recently I been getting anxiety alot and it perplexes me. I have gone out alot more, than I have earlier in the year. I do get depressed but fight through it. The Ups and Downs make me feel like I have Bipolar or something. Really just go through my day with nothing exciting really happening. Just a constant "Blah" feeling most days.

[dbzjakecake]

Week 7
Again nothing major to report. Nothing seems to be happening. No downs, No ups. Just a normal state.

[dbzjakecake]

Week 8
Been down alot this week. I feel I want someone's attention and feel more needy. Catch myself laughing alot more and not reacting to situations as much. Just whatever about most things.

[dbzjakecake]

Week 9
Not down this week but feel that I am needing something. I can't sit still while playing video games or watching tv. There are moments where I am so bored and don't know what to do. Have no motivation to workout. I force myself to begin and once I do I usually stop in the middle and call it enough. Feels like I have lost interest in lifting and everything I enjoy. I also noticed I have not been eating as much.