11-29-2019, 10:58 AM
Day 84 (1)
I must admit, my theory was somewhat right. It wasn't enough to make me bloom, but there is noticeable improvement.
Interestingly enough where I have found solace is in learning. I must be one of few people in the world that procrastinate by reading textbooks. I don't know, it's just that I feel like I'm actually worth something when I have these "Aha, I get this!" moments.
On the darker side though I think it shows a certain kind of... powerlessness on my side? Why do I get this boost from reading things instead of action?
As for my emotions, I am angry and bitter but most of all simply tired. You know, as in "sick and tired" only I'm not sick
I don't know, I feel fine enough with that I'm doing right now. I'd go as far as to say that I'm happy. But this way of living, monotone and reclusive, can't continue for much longer. I tell myself it's only for these cold months but realistically I think it just won't go away and I'll have to move my arse and do something. Just... not yet, OK?
Nonetheless, it's not all bloom and gloom. I managed to save up quite a lot of money this month (which I will spend on presents for my mom and friends) and I lost a little bit of weight. In fact through September and October I was at the second-to-last hole in my belt - now I'm on my last and I start to notice some leeway, I might have to buy new belt soon enough.
I must admit, my theory was somewhat right. It wasn't enough to make me bloom, but there is noticeable improvement.
Interestingly enough where I have found solace is in learning. I must be one of few people in the world that procrastinate by reading textbooks. I don't know, it's just that I feel like I'm actually worth something when I have these "Aha, I get this!" moments.
On the darker side though I think it shows a certain kind of... powerlessness on my side? Why do I get this boost from reading things instead of action?
As for my emotions, I am angry and bitter but most of all simply tired. You know, as in "sick and tired" only I'm not sick
I don't know, I feel fine enough with that I'm doing right now. I'd go as far as to say that I'm happy. But this way of living, monotone and reclusive, can't continue for much longer. I tell myself it's only for these cold months but realistically I think it just won't go away and I'll have to move my arse and do something. Just... not yet, OK?Nonetheless, it's not all bloom and gloom. I managed to save up quite a lot of money this month (which I will spend on presents for my mom and friends) and I lost a little bit of weight. In fact through September and October I was at the second-to-last hole in my belt - now I'm on my last and I start to notice some leeway, I might have to buy new belt soon enough.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
