11-27-2019, 02:03 PM
I've become way more aware of my fears during UMS, but I don't know if FRM is strong enough, it feels like i haven't made any progress towards it.
of course, that could be neutralizer but I haven't made much progress with the goal either...
I hope the new FRM in UMS2 will do the trick or the ~1/2 months of running UMS leading up to that.
I am sad and overwhelmed, and have been for a week now. not being able to clear that hurdle.
and to be honest I have had this hurdle my whole life...
I blame it on my ADD, not being able to focus on my goals long enough, always searching for quick dopamine hits, procrastinating, piss poor prioritizing...
I have done a lot to try to handle my ADD and im ashamed as I am supposed to be an expert in ADHD...
paul said identify your fears, so I will try to do that here...
I am scared...
scared of failing when I start. as I have failed a lot in the past, that is propably why I don't start.
if I dont start I can't fail, but of course, I am still failing now... because I don't do what I want to do, so I am failing myself and lying to myself.
so I start sometimes and work for a few hours and then I feel good but the next day its a battle again to start again...
always this constant battle... and the battle is horrible so I run away, I watch youtube, watch tv shows, I play games.
then I don't have to think about all the things I have to do.
also I don't have a clear deadline and that makes it easier to do. I am trying to start my business online, and that brings with it that you have to set your own hours...
it's so deeply ingrained in my mind because i have done it for years, maybe my whole life... so it's a pattern that is hard to stop.
I just want to not have this battle anymore and be excited about what i do and not have fear hold me back.
I don't mind any advice,
cheers
of course, that could be neutralizer but I haven't made much progress with the goal either...
I hope the new FRM in UMS2 will do the trick or the ~1/2 months of running UMS leading up to that.
I am sad and overwhelmed, and have been for a week now. not being able to clear that hurdle.
and to be honest I have had this hurdle my whole life...
I blame it on my ADD, not being able to focus on my goals long enough, always searching for quick dopamine hits, procrastinating, piss poor prioritizing...
I have done a lot to try to handle my ADD and im ashamed as I am supposed to be an expert in ADHD...
paul said identify your fears, so I will try to do that here...
I am scared...
scared of failing when I start. as I have failed a lot in the past, that is propably why I don't start.
if I dont start I can't fail, but of course, I am still failing now... because I don't do what I want to do, so I am failing myself and lying to myself.
so I start sometimes and work for a few hours and then I feel good but the next day its a battle again to start again...
always this constant battle... and the battle is horrible so I run away, I watch youtube, watch tv shows, I play games.
then I don't have to think about all the things I have to do.
also I don't have a clear deadline and that makes it easier to do. I am trying to start my business online, and that brings with it that you have to set your own hours...
it's so deeply ingrained in my mind because i have done it for years, maybe my whole life... so it's a pattern that is hard to stop.
I just want to not have this battle anymore and be excited about what i do and not have fear hold me back.
I don't mind any advice,
cheers
