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Title: OF: Breaking the wall of fear.
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#1
Brick 
Staring tonight I am running OF.
I took a break for about a month from UMS and will run OF until UMS comes out. Or if my success is so high with OF that I might run it for the complete 8 months.

The primary fears I want to deal with is.
Social anxiety(is not really high but I notice it sometimes)
Fear of success & Fear of failure (I am not sure which of these is effecting me but it I do notice it with my youtube channel and coaching)
Fear of missing out ( I notice I have this in certain aspects like this forum and youtube)

Right now those are the fears I consciously notice, but I will update when I know of any other fears.

I feel irritated today, this might be because of the heat and stuff I have to do, I just moved and there are quite a lot of things left to do.

Cheers

Griffin.
 
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#2
Day 1:
Very tired right now.
I play loops during sleep, but I didn't sleep very well.
I usually have this when I start a sub. So I hope it will get better over time.
I notice a little difference but it is hard to put my finger on what exactly.
 
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#3
Day 2:
Felt less tired today, and slept better.
At around 5 pm I got tired again.
I noticed some social anxiety today when I was at work.
Not really knowing what to say at times.
I also notice 1 girl being into me, she is nice but not that good looking.
not sure what I want to do about it yet.

I feel some fear about starting my videos again as I took a break from them because I was busy.
overall I feel quite calm though.

I know that I have a bad insight into myself. where I don't always know what is changing until its absolutely obvious.
I am not that self-aware I guess. When I read some people's journals I am amazed at how much they notice.

Maybe that is also a reason my journals never really lead somewhere and usually die out.
 
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#4
Day 4:
I feel quite chill right now but I do notice a fear of the future..
Where I am not sure I am even going to be able to do what I want(travel and see the world)
The only thing holding me back Is money.
And ofcourse covid as I can't get Visas right now.
But the money is where the fear comes in.
Will I ever make enough money?
It's an irrational fear as i only need about 1200 euros/dollars per month.
I wonder where this fear comes from.
My father is well off and has a passive income of 4000 euros.
And money was never an issue.
So I don't think I got it from there.
My mother is a little more on the saving money side.
But saving money isn't necessarily a bad thing.
So if I didn't get it from my parents I cannot imagine where I got it from.
Anyhow, it's been long enough of having this fear so hopefully it will work on it.
Being on UMS for 8+ months didn't erase this fear yet, so let's see what frm 4.9 can do.
I also notice a fear of starting work again on my youtube channel.
I will see if I have enough time to start a little today again.

Tiredness is not here right now but I slept for 10 hours.

Cheers.
 
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#5
money issue may be related to other thing, even if your parents don't have financial issues, it could be everything like fear of failure, fear of succes , critism fear etc.

If you feeling any anger towards a rich person, this may be transform into hate of money eventually, if you hate something ,probably thats because of you afraid of it. I realized this within me for a situation.
AM6-1-(04.2019)---AM6-2-(11.2019)---SE-5.5G---

"Who, then, is the invincible human being? One who can be disconcerted by nothing that lies outside the sphere of choice."    -Epictetus
 
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