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Title: OF: Breaking the wall of fear.
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Staring tonight I am running OF.
I took a break for about a month from UMS and will run OF until UMS comes out. Or if my success is so high with OF that I might run it for the complete 8 months.

The primary fears I want to deal with is.
Social anxiety(is not really high but I notice it sometimes)
Fear of success & Fear of failure (I am not sure which of these is effecting me but it I do notice it with my youtube channel and coaching)
Fear of missing out ( I notice I have this in certain aspects like this forum and youtube)

Right now those are the fears I consciously notice, but I will update when I know of any other fears.

I feel irritated today, this might be because of the heat and stuff I have to do, I just moved and there are quite a lot of things left to do.


Day 1:
Very tired right now.
I play loops during sleep, but I didn't sleep very well.
I usually have this when I start a sub. So I hope it will get better over time.
I notice a little difference but it is hard to put my finger on what exactly.
Day 2:
Felt less tired today, and slept better.
At around 5 pm I got tired again.
I noticed some social anxiety today when I was at work.
Not really knowing what to say at times.
I also notice 1 girl being into me, she is nice but not that good looking.
not sure what I want to do about it yet.

I feel some fear about starting my videos again as I took a break from them because I was busy.
overall I feel quite calm though.

I know that I have a bad insight into myself. where I don't always know what is changing until its absolutely obvious.
I am not that self-aware I guess. When I read some people's journals I am amazed at how much they notice.

Maybe that is also a reason my journals never really lead somewhere and usually die out.
Day 4:
I feel quite chill right now but I do notice a fear of the future..
Where I am not sure I am even going to be able to do what I want(travel and see the world)
The only thing holding me back Is money.
And ofcourse covid as I can't get Visas right now.
But the money is where the fear comes in.
Will I ever make enough money?
It's an irrational fear as i only need about 1200 euros/dollars per month.
I wonder where this fear comes from.
My father is well off and has a passive income of 4000 euros.
And money was never an issue.
So I don't think I got it from there.
My mother is a little more on the saving money side.
But saving money isn't necessarily a bad thing.
So if I didn't get it from my parents I cannot imagine where I got it from.
Anyhow, it's been long enough of having this fear so hopefully it will work on it.
Being on UMS for 8+ months didn't erase this fear yet, so let's see what frm 4.9 can do.
I also notice a fear of starting work again on my youtube channel.
I will see if I have enough time to start a little today again.

Tiredness is not here right now but I slept for 10 hours.

money issue may be related to other thing, even if your parents don't have financial issues, it could be everything like fear of failure, fear of succes , critism fear etc.

If you feeling any anger towards a rich person, this may be transform into hate of money eventually, if you hate something ,probably thats because of you afraid of it. I realized this within me for a situation.

"Who, then, is the invincible human being? One who can be disconcerted by nothing that lies outside the sphere of choice."    -Epictetus

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