10-28-2019, 02:39 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-28-2019, 02:53 PM by Have at ye.)
Now it kinda feels like there's some H&C going on. I'm getting thoughts and emotions on issues that would usually start coming up whenever I'd start on a new version of DMSI; it feels more like a release of sadness or some such, not entirely unpleasant TBH.
I also got a sudden, but non-dire, attack of fears regarding sexual performance yesterday (related to sexual experiences with my ex later in our relationship; I think she was purposefully undermining my confidence in my sexual abilities out of fear I'd leave her and many other things she herself was afraid of, and I was dumb enough - or anxious enough of other things - to actually start considering and start dreading the possibility of losing my virility in reaction to that), but it feels like these are more like... I dunno... off-shoots of some deeper fears that got removed/are close to being removed? It kinda feels like "branches" or "off-shoots" that arose due to other fears. So hopefully it's a relatively easy fix now.
I'm also noticing now that I'm more of a calm "I'll just keep doing my thing and should DMSI do its thing, it will" mindset, way less on the lookout for signs of external results. Though I'm still aware of them occurring (f. in. today during hot Lacanian action a very attractive woman was in attendance, and I could feel a slight morphine-drip like elation arising in my gut + sexual arousal and the funky twitching of my left eyebrow that was long and persistent, etc. etc.), I'm not seeking them out actively. I believe that should anything new/exciting/obvious occur, I'll take note of it.
EDIT
Oh, also - bardic practice went great today, and I finally started implementing my teeth whitening protocol as well as "improved grooming" protocol, which I was intending to do before I caught that infection I had and then spent the week derping around the house. I also got the idea to purchase and ozone generator/air ionizer-purifier thingy, to get rid of the cigarette stench from my apartment, lol. I think I'll do it; who knows what kind of company I can expect and when.
I also got a sudden, but non-dire, attack of fears regarding sexual performance yesterday (related to sexual experiences with my ex later in our relationship; I think she was purposefully undermining my confidence in my sexual abilities out of fear I'd leave her and many other things she herself was afraid of, and I was dumb enough - or anxious enough of other things - to actually start considering and start dreading the possibility of losing my virility in reaction to that), but it feels like these are more like... I dunno... off-shoots of some deeper fears that got removed/are close to being removed? It kinda feels like "branches" or "off-shoots" that arose due to other fears. So hopefully it's a relatively easy fix now.
I'm also noticing now that I'm more of a calm "I'll just keep doing my thing and should DMSI do its thing, it will" mindset, way less on the lookout for signs of external results. Though I'm still aware of them occurring (f. in. today during hot Lacanian action a very attractive woman was in attendance, and I could feel a slight morphine-drip like elation arising in my gut + sexual arousal and the funky twitching of my left eyebrow that was long and persistent, etc. etc.), I'm not seeking them out actively. I believe that should anything new/exciting/obvious occur, I'll take note of it.
EDIT
Oh, also - bardic practice went great today, and I finally started implementing my teeth whitening protocol as well as "improved grooming" protocol, which I was intending to do before I caught that infection I had and then spent the week derping around the house. I also got the idea to purchase and ozone generator/air ionizer-purifier thingy, to get rid of the cigarette stench from my apartment, lol. I think I'll do it; who knows what kind of company I can expect and when.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
