10-27-2019, 12:16 PM
Day 51 (0)
Remember as comets, not as dead rocks
Goddamn, I just cannot stop listening to Orden Ogan. Some time ago I used lyrics from their song "Ashen Rain" and pretty much since that day I was listening to their latest album "Gunmen" every single time I went out. Funny how I had it on Spotify since January and only now I stopped to listen to it and I love it. Just gotta get into a mood I guess.
I know the group for a long time with the biggest contribution to by life being "Nobody Leaves" I was listening on repeat when I was dating my first girlfriend. Somehow that song fitted perfectly to my mood back then. Spoiler alert, it wasn't too optimistic.
But hey, I've paid the ferryman three fracking years ago.
On the point though, today was... behind expectations. On most part at least. Workout went well but not spectacular, procrastination was rampant and I done exactly 0 work done. But hey, it's Sunday, I can give myself some slack. Also changing time to winter and realizing it's already dark at 5 P.M. didn't help much either.
One bright speck on it all was my conversation with my friend. Very long story short I was flirting with her part joke and part serious. The thing is she has boyfriend but they have sex rarely, so I got into a waiting line to her in case she smartens up. Little thing but since June I was not flirting with anybody to be honest and these "jokes" may be a good launchpad in the future. Also I know she finds me attractive and I could easily impress her. The only obstacles are her boyfriend and wall of friendzone. First one I have not control over, second one I'd worry if (when?) the time comes.
I don't know though, I'm so puzzled on this who "relationships" thing. And I know I write about this for the past half a year but it's true. One day I'll have to write about all those past loves of mine, what I think about them now and how I deal with memories. This whole conundrum whether I'd like to find a girlfriend or I want to be left alone while I focus on myself brought me to searching for new framework. After all I still haven't figured out if I sincerely don't want a relationship or I'm just scared (as in "with scars") and scared (as in "terrified") due to the past. Or if it's just an excuse to stay in my comfort zone.
At any rate, today I've done infinitesimal effort to get out of that comfort zone. Hurray!
Remember as comets, not as dead rocks
Goddamn, I just cannot stop listening to Orden Ogan. Some time ago I used lyrics from their song "Ashen Rain" and pretty much since that day I was listening to their latest album "Gunmen" every single time I went out. Funny how I had it on Spotify since January and only now I stopped to listen to it and I love it. Just gotta get into a mood I guess.
I know the group for a long time with the biggest contribution to by life being "Nobody Leaves" I was listening on repeat when I was dating my first girlfriend. Somehow that song fitted perfectly to my mood back then. Spoiler alert, it wasn't too optimistic.
But hey, I've paid the ferryman three fracking years ago.
On the point though, today was... behind expectations. On most part at least. Workout went well but not spectacular, procrastination was rampant and I done exactly 0 work done. But hey, it's Sunday, I can give myself some slack. Also changing time to winter and realizing it's already dark at 5 P.M. didn't help much either.
One bright speck on it all was my conversation with my friend. Very long story short I was flirting with her part joke and part serious. The thing is she has boyfriend but they have sex rarely, so I got into a waiting line to her in case she smartens up. Little thing but since June I was not flirting with anybody to be honest and these "jokes" may be a good launchpad in the future. Also I know she finds me attractive and I could easily impress her. The only obstacles are her boyfriend and wall of friendzone. First one I have not control over, second one I'd worry if (when?) the time comes.
I don't know though, I'm so puzzled on this who "relationships" thing. And I know I write about this for the past half a year but it's true. One day I'll have to write about all those past loves of mine, what I think about them now and how I deal with memories. This whole conundrum whether I'd like to find a girlfriend or I want to be left alone while I focus on myself brought me to searching for new framework. After all I still haven't figured out if I sincerely don't want a relationship or I'm just scared (as in "with scars") and scared (as in "terrified") due to the past. Or if it's just an excuse to stay in my comfort zone.
At any rate, today I've done infinitesimal effort to get out of that comfort zone. Hurray!
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
