10-22-2019, 01:34 PM
Day 46 (0)
The more I think about my circumstances the more I realize that it is not enough to recognize and act on things I need to improve. The list is long and while I do work on it and I do have successes on it, well, I need to do even more. But doing more does not mean doing things harder...
I really need to change framework I think in. Now, that's a huge task but it's not impossible. If I'm right that was exactly the reason why I succeeded so much in the summer - dealing with my father's death made me reevaluate things but with time everything went back slowly to status quo. Possibly because I was not conscious enough to realize what was happening and possibly because life just has to go on and I returned to my old self (or at least partially, achieving some sort of "old me" and "new me" synthesis).
I have all the tools I need to do this. Experience, knowledge, meditation, self-realization, LTU. I have will, or at least I believe I have it. The only problem is it requires work. Without a shock such a framework change is no trivial task.
This is why I don't promise I'll do it. Maybe I'll be forced to focus on here and now too much to do such a work. Maybe new realizations I'll be having will be to hard to swallow. Recent realizations sure well hard. Maybe I'll need help but I don't know yet where to look for it. Maybe this autumn depression will be way to hard to handle and I'll have to wait till spring (although my mood is so much better now). Maybe I'll come up with new maybies.
What I know is this approach would serve me much better that current one. And I'll give it a shot.
The more I think about my circumstances the more I realize that it is not enough to recognize and act on things I need to improve. The list is long and while I do work on it and I do have successes on it, well, I need to do even more. But doing more does not mean doing things harder...
I really need to change framework I think in. Now, that's a huge task but it's not impossible. If I'm right that was exactly the reason why I succeeded so much in the summer - dealing with my father's death made me reevaluate things but with time everything went back slowly to status quo. Possibly because I was not conscious enough to realize what was happening and possibly because life just has to go on and I returned to my old self (or at least partially, achieving some sort of "old me" and "new me" synthesis).
I have all the tools I need to do this. Experience, knowledge, meditation, self-realization, LTU. I have will, or at least I believe I have it. The only problem is it requires work. Without a shock such a framework change is no trivial task.
This is why I don't promise I'll do it. Maybe I'll be forced to focus on here and now too much to do such a work. Maybe new realizations I'll be having will be to hard to swallow. Recent realizations sure well hard. Maybe I'll need help but I don't know yet where to look for it. Maybe this autumn depression will be way to hard to handle and I'll have to wait till spring (although my mood is so much better now). Maybe I'll come up with new maybies.
What I know is this approach would serve me much better that current one. And I'll give it a shot.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
