10-21-2019, 04:47 PM
Past couple days I've been very easy to irritate. People in general, especially women are getting on my nerves. Had a confrontation with one yesterday, and my supervisor almost pushed me to my breaking point today. Even though I stood my ground; before I snapped, I simply decided to ignore her messages towards me and and not feed her any more energy. Especially since I got so pissed yesterday that I got a headache, even after venting my frustrations. Times like that make me miss LTU5, I never got that pissed while on LTU5, except for one time where I felt highly disrespected. My anger over the past 3-4 days seem to have built up, and I don't even feel it's because of UMS. I also notice that once people get put in their place they try to be friendly. Thing is, I'm having a tough time letting go of anger like i used to. People also have had a bad habit of cutting me off while I speak, which is one of my pet peeves, so I'm not sure if that's some sort of reversal resistance to the "celebrity effect" that UMS generates.
In other news, the new girl I mentioned a couple posts ago stopped by my row to make a joke. I don't all the way remember what she said, but it was something along the lines of her personally wanting to make sure that she's not as crazy as people make her out to be. Truth be told; she has a pleasant personality from what I can tell, but she's intimidated about getting close to me. I also know that's because she fears rejection, just like many other women I've indirectly rejected throughout my life. That's nothing new, I just don't tend to open up to ppl if there's nothing to speak about and I don't force connections. Doesn't matter what the gender is. We'll see what happens but as usual I'm indifferent to the outcome.
I'm starting to feel more and more like I simply want to fade into existence. Not die, just be out of sight and out of mind. I'm also plotting on; once again how to reinvent myself. Part of that is struggling with fulfilling my purpose in life. There's a side of me that feels like the world in general doesn't even deserve my help so why even bother?
In other news, the new girl I mentioned a couple posts ago stopped by my row to make a joke. I don't all the way remember what she said, but it was something along the lines of her personally wanting to make sure that she's not as crazy as people make her out to be. Truth be told; she has a pleasant personality from what I can tell, but she's intimidated about getting close to me. I also know that's because she fears rejection, just like many other women I've indirectly rejected throughout my life. That's nothing new, I just don't tend to open up to ppl if there's nothing to speak about and I don't force connections. Doesn't matter what the gender is. We'll see what happens but as usual I'm indifferent to the outcome.
I'm starting to feel more and more like I simply want to fade into existence. Not die, just be out of sight and out of mind. I'm also plotting on; once again how to reinvent myself. Part of that is struggling with fulfilling my purpose in life. There's a side of me that feels like the world in general doesn't even deserve my help so why even bother?
