10-13-2019, 08:05 AM
(10-12-2019, 09:59 PM)Paul1131 Wrote:(10-12-2019, 07:35 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I am... Constantly in this weird state that's hard to describe. It's like... Underneath the surface, these majour issues regarding self esteem, guilt, shame, fear, disappointment, and feelings of helplessness to change it all exist, but on the surface, I mostly have a really blunted emotional affect about it. Like I'm just bored. But underneath it is a well of dissatisfaction and unhappiness with what seems like a lid being kept shut on it. I want to reach a point where I truly feel wortht of the love, acceptance and mutual attraction I didn't get in the past. But right now, even with all my recent success, I feel like a failure. I feel like a loser. I feel like I'm "not good enough" and it's making me sad. Although that emotion too, is blunted. There's just this constant low key depression, colouring (or I should say "discolouring") everything. I feel like I need distraction to get my mind off of it, but I know that fixes nothing.
Yeah. "Low key depression" is what to call it. I guess it isn't too complicated to explain after all...
I found with these programs, especially with LTU but UMS as well, that’s how the change starts. The surface thoughts change first, going from bad to not that bad to good, but you’ll still sense the underlying issues still there. Then the deeper levels start to change.
I hope they start to change soon. I'm sick of living my life like this. I hate feeling this way about myself. But I don't know how to change it. I am REALLY hoping the E3 in UMS will help, and LTU5 after.
