10-08-2019, 03:56 PM
Thanks Shannon. Right on. Now I'm dealing with the E3 aspect of UMS, thinking about you know what and you know who. Lots of painful memories. Lots of regrets. My online mentor says most if not all of the emotions I feel about it are really OLD emotions being attributed to a more recent occurrence. Catalyst forcing me to face locked up OLD emotions by invoking them again thrlugh the catalyst experienced. One of these emotions being the emotional feeling that this cannot be solved, which is unresolvable, because the emotion itself is this cannot be resolved. He says the best thing to do is just feel that emotion so my infant self isn't feeling it alone and not to identify with it. Easier said than done. Also, despite the energy work done on my sacral chakra, I still deal with feelings of unworthiness, backed by painful past experience, and probably rooted in VERY early trauma. It was foolish to think the energy work and the inner work already done would be enough. I'm thinking of that song "God is Gangsta" by Kendrick Lamar. "Lovin you is complicated" said to the mirror. I am trying to resolve an issue that only exists because I try to solve it, beleiving there is a problem in the first place. I suppose the real problem is what feelings exist internally and I don't know how to change them. And then the feeling I can't repair the damage done to the friendship or her image of me, can't change the way I'm perceived... It bothers me, but I think maybe it's rooted in an unconscious belief that I've permanently damaged myself image and relationship with myself. Hmm... Thinking about it and trying to deal with the issue using my mind shall resolve nothing. Just be present with these emotions and feel them fully... Until they run out of energy and fade away.
