06-22-2012, 04:54 AM
I feel like I am stronger than I've ever been before even though it's been a rocky month. I feel like I've been awakened and I can't really turn back. I've been having these flashes of overwhelming feelings of love and gratitude. I want to support life in every way possible. I am almost completely different now than I was even six months ago.
Lately I've come to the realization of what kind of life would make me happier than anything else and that is absolute freedom. I need freedom not only from the grind of working life, but also as far away from society as I can be. I've always intuitively felt that I would be the most happy if I had my own secluded farm or ranch that I could live on free from society. It would be hard work, but it would be fulfilling. It's funny that when I started thinking this way I ran in to a friend I hadn't seen in a while yesterday and she told me she has some friends that do intensive organic gardening and sustainable living courses that start with a 30 day wilderness excursion. Sounds pretty bad ass to me. There's a lot of land here in Oklahoma that is cheap too. I think I'm going to be purchasing some soon. Having a small farm, maybe some livestock, that would be paradise for me.
It's amazing how I can't shake this idea. I want to be completely mentally free from all this mental influence we have shoved both down our throats and up our asses 24/7. I believe it was the Buddha who said that if you even get a small taste of enlightenment, then nothing else will satisfy you. I had a nice little journey a few months back and I definitely got a taste. If you can really see how two dimensional this world is it's an incredible experience. I used to feel as everyone else does that I need to find my path to what will satisfy me in life and using whatever means I have to get there, buying shit, getting prestige, having sex with beautiful women, etc. Well I've done all that and found it to ultimately be very un-fulfilling.
Ultimately it all boiled down to me realizing that I don't need anything that I thought I did. Connection with other people, building them up and helping this world in any way I can is the only thing that fulfills me. The funny thing is, though, that this realization actually made me cut some ties with people. For instance, I'm not seeing any girls right now and I'm almost entirely indifferent to that fact. Consequently, that's causing them to be drawn to me like crazy, but I have high standards of what it takes for any woman to get attention from these days.
Btw, I'm on stage 5 right now. I'd say it's having some good effects on me. Haha
Lately I've come to the realization of what kind of life would make me happier than anything else and that is absolute freedom. I need freedom not only from the grind of working life, but also as far away from society as I can be. I've always intuitively felt that I would be the most happy if I had my own secluded farm or ranch that I could live on free from society. It would be hard work, but it would be fulfilling. It's funny that when I started thinking this way I ran in to a friend I hadn't seen in a while yesterday and she told me she has some friends that do intensive organic gardening and sustainable living courses that start with a 30 day wilderness excursion. Sounds pretty bad ass to me. There's a lot of land here in Oklahoma that is cheap too. I think I'm going to be purchasing some soon. Having a small farm, maybe some livestock, that would be paradise for me.
It's amazing how I can't shake this idea. I want to be completely mentally free from all this mental influence we have shoved both down our throats and up our asses 24/7. I believe it was the Buddha who said that if you even get a small taste of enlightenment, then nothing else will satisfy you. I had a nice little journey a few months back and I definitely got a taste. If you can really see how two dimensional this world is it's an incredible experience. I used to feel as everyone else does that I need to find my path to what will satisfy me in life and using whatever means I have to get there, buying shit, getting prestige, having sex with beautiful women, etc. Well I've done all that and found it to ultimately be very un-fulfilling.
Ultimately it all boiled down to me realizing that I don't need anything that I thought I did. Connection with other people, building them up and helping this world in any way I can is the only thing that fulfills me. The funny thing is, though, that this realization actually made me cut some ties with people. For instance, I'm not seeing any girls right now and I'm almost entirely indifferent to that fact. Consequently, that's causing them to be drawn to me like crazy, but I have high standards of what it takes for any woman to get attention from these days.
Btw, I'm on stage 5 right now. I'd say it's having some good effects on me. Haha
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