09-07-2019, 07:56 AM
Day 1 (0)
It's been exactly half a year since my father's death. To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about this. For the most part I'm over it, I have accepted it. On the other hand the very thought that he's gone sound unreal.
What's ever worse is that these last 6 months had been probably the best months of my life. Between influence of the LTU and wake up call given by the death I have made huge leaps. I've traveled a lot, visited places I've always dreamed of seeing with my own eyes - Forum Romanum and Japan. I lost over 10kg of weight. I gained unshakable confidence and got over both past relationships and current loneliness. I'm happier, I'm wealthier and I'm more mature than ever before. I don't make excuse, I gain strength from it. I want to be someone my father would be proud of.
So I decided this is perfect time to start new run of LTU. Next couple of months should be quite tranquil so I will be able to focus on self-development. To be honest I feel like I stand in front of a tall order. To do one better than the last months seems almost impossible. To continue seems difficult. So I don't want to corner myself into setting some goal that might be out of reach. Also I feel like set of challenges in front of me are different than they used to. I will focus on the journey, destination unknown.
And I think I can say that only due to my newly gained confidence and self-assurance. I trust myself and I trust the Universe. That trust served me well so far.
I have found courage in myself. And there are two types of courage. One, easier one, is when you are pressed against the wall and you have to act. As Sun Tzu said "Throw your soldiers into positions whence there is no escape, and they will prefer death to flight". Replace "death" with "shame" or something similar and you'll get my message. An example would be my trip to Amsterdam - I was sick and I could stay entire day in my hotel room. Instead, faced with the fact I would have wasted such an opportunity, money and time, I ventured into the city, into the unknown in less than ideal circumstances. I chose action over excuses.
But there is a second one. I might call it armchair courage or "let future me worry about it" courage. It's not enough to have courage when in the thick of an event. It's another matter to purposefully set oneself onto such situation. Not outright, no. In a week or a month. To promise someone something you know you don't want to do but it will benefit you if you do it. So you will as you must now. It takes trust in oneself to exercise this courage. In the past I would always set things up just to bail out of them. Now though I never bail. And my setups are more often and more bold.
These two go hand in hand. One without the other is incomplete. Might be useful, but still incomplete. And I want them complete and I want this pattern to be the focus of this run. Between courage, trust and confidence there will be nothing impossible for me to do. All I need to do is to figure out what I truly want right now.
It's been exactly half a year since my father's death. To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about this. For the most part I'm over it, I have accepted it. On the other hand the very thought that he's gone sound unreal.
What's ever worse is that these last 6 months had been probably the best months of my life. Between influence of the LTU and wake up call given by the death I have made huge leaps. I've traveled a lot, visited places I've always dreamed of seeing with my own eyes - Forum Romanum and Japan. I lost over 10kg of weight. I gained unshakable confidence and got over both past relationships and current loneliness. I'm happier, I'm wealthier and I'm more mature than ever before. I don't make excuse, I gain strength from it. I want to be someone my father would be proud of.
So I decided this is perfect time to start new run of LTU. Next couple of months should be quite tranquil so I will be able to focus on self-development. To be honest I feel like I stand in front of a tall order. To do one better than the last months seems almost impossible. To continue seems difficult. So I don't want to corner myself into setting some goal that might be out of reach. Also I feel like set of challenges in front of me are different than they used to. I will focus on the journey, destination unknown.
And I think I can say that only due to my newly gained confidence and self-assurance. I trust myself and I trust the Universe. That trust served me well so far.
I have found courage in myself. And there are two types of courage. One, easier one, is when you are pressed against the wall and you have to act. As Sun Tzu said "Throw your soldiers into positions whence there is no escape, and they will prefer death to flight". Replace "death" with "shame" or something similar and you'll get my message. An example would be my trip to Amsterdam - I was sick and I could stay entire day in my hotel room. Instead, faced with the fact I would have wasted such an opportunity, money and time, I ventured into the city, into the unknown in less than ideal circumstances. I chose action over excuses.
But there is a second one. I might call it armchair courage or "let future me worry about it" courage. It's not enough to have courage when in the thick of an event. It's another matter to purposefully set oneself onto such situation. Not outright, no. In a week or a month. To promise someone something you know you don't want to do but it will benefit you if you do it. So you will as you must now. It takes trust in oneself to exercise this courage. In the past I would always set things up just to bail out of them. Now though I never bail. And my setups are more often and more bold.
These two go hand in hand. One without the other is incomplete. Might be useful, but still incomplete. And I want them complete and I want this pattern to be the focus of this run. Between courage, trust and confidence there will be nothing impossible for me to do. All I need to do is to figure out what I truly want right now.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
