08-28-2019, 05:06 PM
(08-28-2019, 01:43 PM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: Day ?? (4)
Elective amnesia
Greetings from Scotland. I've having lots of fun at the trip so no worries. Also I decided I won't be listening to the subs on this trip so when I get back home next week I'll be restarting my LTU run. I will call this short run as "run 1.5".
There is something I want to share though. In my recent post I have mentioned amnesia, how I have forgotten what it means to have low self-esteem. Let's dig deeper into this subject as it really fascinated me in the past few days.
Today I have experienced disappointment. Now wow, what a thing, right? Well, yes. I have not experienced it in a while. And if I was disappointed it was at myself, not something out of my control. Because, after all, what is disappointment? It's a feeling of sadness you get when things don't go according to your plans.
I had a plan. And it went down the drain, badly, before I could even start it. Assumptions were wrong or I was stupid, it doesn't matter. What matters is my reaction. In the past I would be sad, depressed, anxious. I used to have problems coupping with the issue. But now? It's whole different story.
Now I have a default to fall into then things go south. The plan is simple - to focus on myself. And it's a strong plan. Or at least it's as strong as myself. It really makes me smile when I realize how strong me and my plan have become. Right now pretty much nothing can destroy this plan.
And it's funny. It's hilarious how not so long ago I would make plans and they would go south and I would try to salvage them and these would fail as well and I would be anxious and depressed. I have also forgotten how it feels. Elective amnesia. The question is should I try to preserve these feelings? Should I keep them as a reminder of how life is or should I keep with the high and let go.
I do not know. But I know that I want to be as strong as possible, to keep with the current flow and just enjoy my life. There are so many opportunities, so many things to do and experience. To hold back for sake of past or unrealized dreams is folly.
TL;DR would be that LTU via confidence and focus on myself gave me outcome-independence, allowing me to brush of disappointment brought by failure of plans. And via elective amnesia this is such a scary and wonderful effect!
I would say you definitely want to keep the selective amnesia. I found that a part of that program makes you feel that you’ve always been that way, and that any traumas that lead to dysfunctional thinking and feeling never effected you. I think the removal of the emotional part of those memories is part of how FRM works, and if you were to start to re experience them, it would undo the progress.
