08-24-2019, 06:52 AM
Day 34 (0)
Inertia of the Universe
I have some time before going to the party so I thought I would post an update. I've been coming to some quite interesting conclusions but I will talk more about them when I get back from the trip. I would be vain to talk about things I cannot quite yet put into action. I want to share my feelings though.
You probably didn't notice this but for a very, very long time I was not talking about my confidence. Why? Because recently my confidence was always high. I almost forgot how it feels to doubt myself. That's the reason for silence - it became natural for me that I am confident in myself. What a strange idea to be honest.
Crowley (whom I'm not the greatest fun but the has nuggets of brilliance to his writing) talks about Will and those who follow it have the Inertia of the Universe to aid them. And I can feel it. I have this sense of assurance. Everything is going to be fine, I know it. How? I don't know. But so far everything has indeed going well. Did I experience failures? Sure. Did I do everything right? Of course not. But still I have this sense that everything is as it should be. Confidence and calmness arise from this feeling. I'm where I'm supposed to be.
What's more I cannot help but feel how Universe conspires to aid me. Small coincidences that are not coincidental. Decisions made some time ago now bear fruit. I change and grow everyday. And I know that future has a lot to offer for me. There is a lot to look forward to. Maybe it's due to my reading of Dune where these ideas are being expressed but damn, it's such a sublime feeling.
Furthermore I was yesterday reminded of Lovecraft. You know, eldritch horror guy. I liked him as an edgy teenager for he presented obscured knowledge as scary and dangerous. Now though it is hopeful. There is nothing scary in my future. There are challenges, sure, but these are not scary. These are anvils I need to use to form myself into a better shape.
I love these feeling. The feeling of "nothing will go wrong as long as you won't fight the inertia" meaning you won't let the fear stop you. And I fear less and less. Where fear used to reign now there is hope and assurance. Let it stay this way.
There is something I want very strongly right now. Something I have 50 days to get. And I can almost feel the strings pulling me in that direction. I cannot let these string fray now. I just hope I want it enough that no fears or "buts" or "howevers" will screw this up. It's not something I can force or prepare for. It's something I need to embrace and, when the time comes, act on it. And I will, with the Inertia to aid me.
Inertia of the Universe
I have some time before going to the party so I thought I would post an update. I've been coming to some quite interesting conclusions but I will talk more about them when I get back from the trip. I would be vain to talk about things I cannot quite yet put into action. I want to share my feelings though.
You probably didn't notice this but for a very, very long time I was not talking about my confidence. Why? Because recently my confidence was always high. I almost forgot how it feels to doubt myself. That's the reason for silence - it became natural for me that I am confident in myself. What a strange idea to be honest.
Crowley (whom I'm not the greatest fun but the has nuggets of brilliance to his writing) talks about Will and those who follow it have the Inertia of the Universe to aid them. And I can feel it. I have this sense of assurance. Everything is going to be fine, I know it. How? I don't know. But so far everything has indeed going well. Did I experience failures? Sure. Did I do everything right? Of course not. But still I have this sense that everything is as it should be. Confidence and calmness arise from this feeling. I'm where I'm supposed to be.
What's more I cannot help but feel how Universe conspires to aid me. Small coincidences that are not coincidental. Decisions made some time ago now bear fruit. I change and grow everyday. And I know that future has a lot to offer for me. There is a lot to look forward to. Maybe it's due to my reading of Dune where these ideas are being expressed but damn, it's such a sublime feeling.
Furthermore I was yesterday reminded of Lovecraft. You know, eldritch horror guy. I liked him as an edgy teenager for he presented obscured knowledge as scary and dangerous. Now though it is hopeful. There is nothing scary in my future. There are challenges, sure, but these are not scary. These are anvils I need to use to form myself into a better shape.
I love these feeling. The feeling of "nothing will go wrong as long as you won't fight the inertia" meaning you won't let the fear stop you. And I fear less and less. Where fear used to reign now there is hope and assurance. Let it stay this way.
There is something I want very strongly right now. Something I have 50 days to get. And I can almost feel the strings pulling me in that direction. I cannot let these string fray now. I just hope I want it enough that no fears or "buts" or "howevers" will screw this up. It's not something I can force or prepare for. It's something I need to embrace and, when the time comes, act on it. And I will, with the Inertia to aid me.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
