08-15-2019, 01:26 PM
Day 25 (0)
I love stupid tangents my mind pushes me into. A disclaimer - in this post I'll be talking about mental illnesses I know diddly-squat about, if I stay something wrong (or even offensive) please correct me on this thread or via PM.
OK, so yesterday I met with my friend. I decided to share with him my overblown Steam library as I rarely play video games nowadays. But today I thought "well, why don't I play video games?"
Answer for that is at first trivial - they are a waste of time. Truth I think is a little bit more complicated and has to do with the fact that I simply don't enjoy them as much and it's hard for me to give a single game enough attention to make other "useful" aspects of gaming (learning, training dexterity and problem solving, enjoying good story) worthwhile. That being said I decided I could use some fine game to play. And I found it.
For those who don't know "Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice" is a game about Celtic warrioress (female warrior?) going through psychosis. I won't tell more as it's fine game indeed. I ended up not playing that much of the game as frame rate even on medium settings was disastrous and one also needs good headphones to really enjoy this game. So full play-through is postponed up until I buy myself nice gaming laptop in a month or so.
That lead me to thinking about my mental health. OK, I know I don't have psychosis, once in my life I've heard a voice and I was little kid back then, now I'm not even sure if that was not simply a dream or maybe my grandpa from the next room over. I'm also quite sure I don't have schizophrenia. Nor chronic depression. Only once in my life did I have suicide thought and it passed after like 5 minutes. I have my anxieties, but nothing major compared to my friends and I've made huge progress dealing with them with likes of LTU and AM6. Lastly my memory is quite good and my senses are sharp.
So I'm pretty alright then?
I'd say... yeah, sure, but I'm scared about one thing. Delusions. I have a couple of tendencies I am a little bit scared of. I keep them in bay by contact with other people and this is one more reason not to lock myself in my room. Right now I have steady stream of interaction with my flatmate but I will not live with her forever. This is probably the best reason to find a girlfriend - to have someone who will check your delusions.
When I think of delusions I have two particular in mind. First one is "making sense of the world" delusions. So, things like conspiracy theories or thinking communism is good idea. And yes, I've had episodes with both and I've grown out of them through the power of reason. Second, more dangerous kind if "I'm the center of the world" delusions. And I'm prone to them every now and there. I am so aware of those in fact that I openly share my newly renewed interest in occult with others so that I always check if I don't believe in something stupid.
Sometimes someone must explain to you that coincidence is just a coincidence, no matter how neat it all fits together and how special it makes you feel.
I love stupid tangents my mind pushes me into. A disclaimer - in this post I'll be talking about mental illnesses I know diddly-squat about, if I stay something wrong (or even offensive) please correct me on this thread or via PM.
OK, so yesterday I met with my friend. I decided to share with him my overblown Steam library as I rarely play video games nowadays. But today I thought "well, why don't I play video games?"
Answer for that is at first trivial - they are a waste of time. Truth I think is a little bit more complicated and has to do with the fact that I simply don't enjoy them as much and it's hard for me to give a single game enough attention to make other "useful" aspects of gaming (learning, training dexterity and problem solving, enjoying good story) worthwhile. That being said I decided I could use some fine game to play. And I found it.
For those who don't know "Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice" is a game about Celtic warrioress (female warrior?) going through psychosis. I won't tell more as it's fine game indeed. I ended up not playing that much of the game as frame rate even on medium settings was disastrous and one also needs good headphones to really enjoy this game. So full play-through is postponed up until I buy myself nice gaming laptop in a month or so.
That lead me to thinking about my mental health. OK, I know I don't have psychosis, once in my life I've heard a voice and I was little kid back then, now I'm not even sure if that was not simply a dream or maybe my grandpa from the next room over. I'm also quite sure I don't have schizophrenia. Nor chronic depression. Only once in my life did I have suicide thought and it passed after like 5 minutes. I have my anxieties, but nothing major compared to my friends and I've made huge progress dealing with them with likes of LTU and AM6. Lastly my memory is quite good and my senses are sharp.
So I'm pretty alright then?
I'd say... yeah, sure, but I'm scared about one thing. Delusions. I have a couple of tendencies I am a little bit scared of. I keep them in bay by contact with other people and this is one more reason not to lock myself in my room. Right now I have steady stream of interaction with my flatmate but I will not live with her forever. This is probably the best reason to find a girlfriend - to have someone who will check your delusions.
When I think of delusions I have two particular in mind. First one is "making sense of the world" delusions. So, things like conspiracy theories or thinking communism is good idea. And yes, I've had episodes with both and I've grown out of them through the power of reason. Second, more dangerous kind if "I'm the center of the world" delusions. And I'm prone to them every now and there. I am so aware of those in fact that I openly share my newly renewed interest in occult with others so that I always check if I don't believe in something stupid.
Sometimes someone must explain to you that coincidence is just a coincidence, no matter how neat it all fits together and how special it makes you feel.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
