08-12-2019, 03:19 AM
Day 22 (0)
I'm sorry. I have forgotten. Again. It is easier to preach than to practice.
I know why this happened. Since June my life had gotten a little bit chaotic. Certainly more so than in April or May. I've spend a lot of time in travel, roughly 1/3 I'd guesstimate. And this is great, I visit new places, meet new people. I'm forced to leave my comfort zone, tried and true way to grow. But because of this my home become little more than a hub for me to live in and prepare for another trial.
At the time when I've been having the greatest successes with LTU my home was The Shrine, dedicated to myself and my Will. I was meditating and discovering myself therein. And I tell myself I still do it but in truth I ain't doing that. I focus on things that in reality trivial, spending my energy and time while things I ought to do are being collected in a backlog that gets bigger and bigger. And my anxiety is proportional to said backlog.
This would be great realization if not for the fact I have my one last trip to make this August. I wish I could just get back to my old mindset but I can't, due to said trip my thoughts are tangled with trivial matters. It's not to say it releases me from responsibility to Myself. It is to say my current modus operandi is not compatible with what I truly Want and before I come back to it I need to stay in the flow of what's to come from outside my comfort zone.
When that time comes, I'll be ready. Putting myself in the front and center again. Learning how to distinguish between Wisdom and excuse. Facing realizations that are not pleasant to face. Admitting that I've been wrong.
But... maybe... it's not a bad thing? There are many lessons to be learnt from experiences of this summer. Foremost being that my habits, my philosophy, they don't survive long when faced with external challenge. And given that the future is unpredictable I should not base Myself in the illusion of control. I should be able to synergize the two - strength within and chaos without my comfort zone. After experiencing both it should be an easy task.
I have no clue how to do this though. How to stay mindful and conscientious when world around you demands from you?
I'm sorry. I have forgotten. Again. It is easier to preach than to practice.
I know why this happened. Since June my life had gotten a little bit chaotic. Certainly more so than in April or May. I've spend a lot of time in travel, roughly 1/3 I'd guesstimate. And this is great, I visit new places, meet new people. I'm forced to leave my comfort zone, tried and true way to grow. But because of this my home become little more than a hub for me to live in and prepare for another trial.
At the time when I've been having the greatest successes with LTU my home was The Shrine, dedicated to myself and my Will. I was meditating and discovering myself therein. And I tell myself I still do it but in truth I ain't doing that. I focus on things that in reality trivial, spending my energy and time while things I ought to do are being collected in a backlog that gets bigger and bigger. And my anxiety is proportional to said backlog.
This would be great realization if not for the fact I have my one last trip to make this August. I wish I could just get back to my old mindset but I can't, due to said trip my thoughts are tangled with trivial matters. It's not to say it releases me from responsibility to Myself. It is to say my current modus operandi is not compatible with what I truly Want and before I come back to it I need to stay in the flow of what's to come from outside my comfort zone.
When that time comes, I'll be ready. Putting myself in the front and center again. Learning how to distinguish between Wisdom and excuse. Facing realizations that are not pleasant to face. Admitting that I've been wrong.
But... maybe... it's not a bad thing? There are many lessons to be learnt from experiences of this summer. Foremost being that my habits, my philosophy, they don't survive long when faced with external challenge. And given that the future is unpredictable I should not base Myself in the illusion of control. I should be able to synergize the two - strength within and chaos without my comfort zone. After experiencing both it should be an easy task.
I have no clue how to do this though. How to stay mindful and conscientious when world around you demands from you?
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
