USLM 4.1 Journal

[THolt]

It's been around 50 hours since my 2nd night of loops finished.

Since then, I've been extremely tired.  Having been on a long break prior to 4.1, my irritability had lowered considerably, anxiety disappeared, depression alleviated - all now back with a vengeance.  Depression is the most notable, followed by a short temper and little patience.  

This morning I woke feeling really weird.  I said to myself, "I just don't...feel good."  Physical malaise, stomach upset, and depression.  Then, I suddenly noticed another familiar feeling...the morphine drip.  In fact, it was the start of the morphine drip that had me feeling odd.  It lasted about 2 hours - and I'm still in the after glow.  No sign of depression right now, but I do feel sapped.  I can already tell I'll be taking another good nap today.

I've had some glimpses of the "high-on-life" feeling over the last few days, but it's been fleeting.  I think this will increase as fear is removed, and I continue to run 4.1 as instructed.

I'm a little worried about my wife's goals concerning USLM and what it may manifest in our lives.  Her goals are financial in nature, and may even affect her career.  She sent me a job posting yesterday.  It is an opening in a city close to her mom.  It's more money, a jump to a better/more prestigious hospital, and a total nose dive for me in every other way.  I honestly foresee divorce down-the-pike if we move there, and for that reason, I'll fight that possibility tooth-and-nail.  There's nothing in it for me (other than money) - and being unhappy won't do my kids (or wife) any favors.  I know that there's no possibility of a trial-period out there, so as it'd be an irreversible decision, I'm opting for a no-go.  Hopefully, her usage of USLM 4.1 isn't able to somehow persuade me otherwise.

I had a day of poor-to-bad luck Monday (just annoying dumb shit - if it could fall the wrong way, it did), a bad day in the mental/emotional sense yesterday, and today is more neutral so far.  We'll see how it shapes up.  Tomorrow will be "The Third Day" (technically), so if the bloom pattern follows UMS, I should be seeing more positive things in the upcoming days.  

Will keep y'all posted.

I am getting similar results. Monday was my second listening day and yesterday I woke up extremely tired and even today I am tired. 

It’s hard to tell what this sub is doing tbh but I will keep using it.