07-09-2019, 08:43 AM
Day 78 (0)
I feel better now, although anxiety is still looming. The secret to get out of such a state for me is being useful. In my case what I did was simply making some cleaning. This is good work as 1) it doesn't require you to think or plan too much 2) it's something you're bound to do anyway and 3) you see the results immediately. In times like that it's almost cathartic.
I also decided to skip work today. It's vacation season anyway so there is little work to be done and what I do right now are my own side projects anyway. I used this day for two things. First one is some serious exercise, I've been putting this on the side lately so it's good idea to have a day for this. And given I won't be able to do this on the weekend (I'll tell you why in the future) I decided to do this now.
The other thing was that I finally shaved (not entirely mind you, just cut it down to ~3mm). Now, this is a little bit more complicated when it comes to my internal thoughts about it. I haven't shaved in a long time, certainly since my Dad passed away in March. I like long beards, I'd love to have this viking-like beard, however I'm too lazy to care for it enough to make it happen. Long beard required quite a lot of care actually. Also you need to trim it every once and a while and obviously I didn't do it, resulting in more homeless-like than viking-like look. But the reason why I did shave my beard was because I always considered long beard in myself a sign of depression. How can I say that I'm fine if I don't externalize it? So, in all that anxiety I'm experiencing recently, I thought a change might make me some good.
I'm not sure if it worked but what I certainly noticed is how much weight I lost. My face looks completely different. My smile looks completely different, I have wrinkles while smiling where the fat used to be. My gravitas rose by like an order of magnitude! I'm getting almost scared that when I get to my weight goal I won't be able to recognize myself in the mirror
I feel better now, although anxiety is still looming. The secret to get out of such a state for me is being useful. In my case what I did was simply making some cleaning. This is good work as 1) it doesn't require you to think or plan too much 2) it's something you're bound to do anyway and 3) you see the results immediately. In times like that it's almost cathartic.
I also decided to skip work today. It's vacation season anyway so there is little work to be done and what I do right now are my own side projects anyway. I used this day for two things. First one is some serious exercise, I've been putting this on the side lately so it's good idea to have a day for this. And given I won't be able to do this on the weekend (I'll tell you why in the future) I decided to do this now.
The other thing was that I finally shaved (not entirely mind you, just cut it down to ~3mm). Now, this is a little bit more complicated when it comes to my internal thoughts about it. I haven't shaved in a long time, certainly since my Dad passed away in March. I like long beards, I'd love to have this viking-like beard, however I'm too lazy to care for it enough to make it happen. Long beard required quite a lot of care actually. Also you need to trim it every once and a while and obviously I didn't do it, resulting in more homeless-like than viking-like look. But the reason why I did shave my beard was because I always considered long beard in myself a sign of depression. How can I say that I'm fine if I don't externalize it? So, in all that anxiety I'm experiencing recently, I thought a change might make me some good.
I'm not sure if it worked but what I certainly noticed is how much weight I lost. My face looks completely different. My smile looks completely different, I have wrinkles while smiling where the fat used to be. My gravitas rose by like an order of magnitude! I'm getting almost scared that when I get to my weight goal I won't be able to recognize myself in the mirror
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
