Mystic Life - LTU 5

[Mystic Pymp]

I'd argue they are extroverted because their Will pushes them to be extroverted - the HAVE TO be so in order to fulfill their Will. Someone like me, an introverted individual, might want to travel the world, but I lack the Will to do so in any significant capacity. If I wanted it stronger I would have to become more extroverted.

I'd argue that extroversion is not the result of will, but of personality; and that if the will contradicts the personality, then there is conflict.  That results in discomfort, and fear is often the result.  

If an introverted individual wants to travel the world, they have to overcome the fear they feel in order to do so.  Barring that, their will cannot overcome their fear and the reaction to it, which means their will to travel succumbs to their will to stay safe from whatever they fear.  

Will does not exist as a constant; it is a variable because each and every level, layer and part of your awareness has its own will.  It is the question of, which of these parts has the dominant will?

If you are introverted and you want to travel the world, you must either cause your will to do so to override your will to stay safe from whatever you fear in doing so, or you must override your fear in doing so and thus cause that part of you to stop interrupting your will to travel.

Well said Shannon. Interesting stuff, especially the "each and every level, layer and part of your awareness has its own will" part. I tend to consider myself as a whole with ego, id, subconscious etc. as different faces of one "I" with, ultimately, one will. Maybe I should reconsider this approach. Tip of the iceberg indeed. Also the "conflict between will and personality" thing reminded me of someone, if my considerations will be worth something I'll post them.

Day 63 (0)

I didn't post in some time and there is good reason for that - shame. You see, I remember good old days a month or so when I was happy and proud of myself and every single thing was going my way. Now... I feel like a loser. And I feel ashamed of posting diary of a loser.

I'm too harsh on myself, I know. I haven't touched alcohol since I came back from the conference week and a half ago. I did 73km of walking in the last 3 days which is A LOT (about 13 hours I'd estimate). I managed to get my smoking habit back in control. I eat less but healthy. A lot of progress I've developed during my current LTU run is still there.

At the same time though I stopped exercising, I'm barely productive at work and at home, my social skill fell into oblivion and I don't even wanna mention NoFap - probably my biggest personal failure. All of these can be reasoned though. Exercising - you're sick and your muscles ache, but they don't during the hiking. Productivity - it's summer and you should have holidays, stop being so stupidly ambitious. Social interactions - you've just spend week being around others 24h/day, you deserve rest. NoFap - you've been rejected and that's your coping mechanism.

Each an excuse, each allows me to keep status quo ante conference.

And the worst thing, THE WORST, is that my weight loss attempts don't give much result anymore. Before it was so effortless. Now I seem to be unable to lose a gram if my life depended on it. That was my greatest source of pride. That was what was proving me that this works, all my effort works, the sub works. Now I feel down as it seems to stop - or at least I've hit some sort of plateau. I push myself way too hard with my hiking, trying my best to get back to the good mojo, but I barely have strength for my other commitments. I'm left vulnerable psychologically but still looking at my Endomondo workout and feeling assured I've done good.

That's why I'm ashamed.

And I have little idea what to do next. As I'm getting better after the infection I'm gonna have more energy. My two pillars, the two things that make me proud and happy and fulfilled are my job and my weight loss. And I want to stick to those as it worked in the past. However, I don't know what to do with LTU. I was hoping I'd run it for 180 days or something. Now, considering, I guess I'll take a break at 90 days mark. I'm not sure how long this break will be, somewhere between a week and a month, but I'm curious if such a break would help me climb my way back from the plateau.