06-21-2019, 10:20 AM
Day 60 (0)
I still feel like after being hit by a track, torn between doing something with myself and resting to get my health in order. However, not to be a downer, I want to share with you some of my musings about Will I was having for the past days or weeks. If you read this journal you are probably aware that the concept of Will is quite an important one for me nowadays and I use it to help me understand myself and what I truly want. Don't take those as facts or even my opinions, rather as thinking aloud on a topic. And even given I'm probably wrong, if topic is interesting such a read is still worth it I think.
I love history and learning more about various epochs and events. My view of it might be skewed by the fact that history is focused on the "great people" and not your average Joe, but I cannot help but notice something. It's not often but there are people who managed to do incredible things, seemingly using little more than their sheer will. Alexander the Great would be possibly the best example. Nobody had balls to tell him he cannot conquer Persia so that's exactly what he did. And you can count more, in every field of human activity and every continent. I wonder what drove these people, what made them conquer the world or become crazy rich while I have problem getting up in the morning?
While I study my Will to find out what I truly want under the hood I often mind difficulty to do so. At the first glance there seems to be layers upon layers of stuff I have to dig through, useless believes and unfulfilled expectations I don't need anymore. But rarely do I consider temporal effect on Will. Maybe I find it all difficult because Will is a constant state of flux, after all we change physically all the time, why not mentally as well? And I'm not talking about changes in conditions, like "I haven't eaten in a long time so I WANT to eat". I'm talking about something constant, like "I WANT to live and my body need nourishment, so when I feel hunger I eat". Hope it makes sense. At any rate, is my Will constant or is it changing all the time with only basic wants and fears staying the same? Or is my judgement clouded by the conditions around me, letting me see only a snapshot of my Will at a time?
The most interesting thing I found out is that Will seems to me to be a cause, not a effect. My hunger example is one thing, but let me give you another. If you truly want to travel the world you have to interact with a lot of people. And so extroverts have easier time fulfilling that particular want. But I'd argue they are extroverted because their Will pushes them to be extroverted - the HAVE TO be so in order to fulfill their Will. Someone like me, an introverted individual, might want to travel the world, but I lack the Will to do so in any significant capacity. If I wanted it stronger I would have to become more extroverted. I wonder if I can used reasoning like that to consciously change my habits or character? I think I've done something to this end with weight loss - I started exercising because I WANTED to lose weight, not because I wanted to exercise. The pleasure and pride I feel after particularly good training has to do with weight loss more that with anything directly related to exercise (like pride of beating my old record).
I still feel like after being hit by a track, torn between doing something with myself and resting to get my health in order. However, not to be a downer, I want to share with you some of my musings about Will I was having for the past days or weeks. If you read this journal you are probably aware that the concept of Will is quite an important one for me nowadays and I use it to help me understand myself and what I truly want. Don't take those as facts or even my opinions, rather as thinking aloud on a topic. And even given I'm probably wrong, if topic is interesting such a read is still worth it I think.
I love history and learning more about various epochs and events. My view of it might be skewed by the fact that history is focused on the "great people" and not your average Joe, but I cannot help but notice something. It's not often but there are people who managed to do incredible things, seemingly using little more than their sheer will. Alexander the Great would be possibly the best example. Nobody had balls to tell him he cannot conquer Persia so that's exactly what he did. And you can count more, in every field of human activity and every continent. I wonder what drove these people, what made them conquer the world or become crazy rich while I have problem getting up in the morning?
While I study my Will to find out what I truly want under the hood I often mind difficulty to do so. At the first glance there seems to be layers upon layers of stuff I have to dig through, useless believes and unfulfilled expectations I don't need anymore. But rarely do I consider temporal effect on Will. Maybe I find it all difficult because Will is a constant state of flux, after all we change physically all the time, why not mentally as well? And I'm not talking about changes in conditions, like "I haven't eaten in a long time so I WANT to eat". I'm talking about something constant, like "I WANT to live and my body need nourishment, so when I feel hunger I eat". Hope it makes sense. At any rate, is my Will constant or is it changing all the time with only basic wants and fears staying the same? Or is my judgement clouded by the conditions around me, letting me see only a snapshot of my Will at a time?
The most interesting thing I found out is that Will seems to me to be a cause, not a effect. My hunger example is one thing, but let me give you another. If you truly want to travel the world you have to interact with a lot of people. And so extroverts have easier time fulfilling that particular want. But I'd argue they are extroverted because their Will pushes them to be extroverted - the HAVE TO be so in order to fulfill their Will. Someone like me, an introverted individual, might want to travel the world, but I lack the Will to do so in any significant capacity. If I wanted it stronger I would have to become more extroverted. I wonder if I can used reasoning like that to consciously change my habits or character? I think I've done something to this end with weight loss - I started exercising because I WANTED to lose weight, not because I wanted to exercise. The pleasure and pride I feel after particularly good training has to do with weight loss more that with anything directly related to exercise (like pride of beating my old record).
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
