06-15-2019, 09:08 AM
Day 54 (1)
Here are some random thoughts I had about the conference. This list is by no means complete and I'm sure I will either remember or recognize new things in the future. If those happen to be important I'll report on them.
Decline in self-improvement
I wasn't sure how to name this but the idea is that I'm good at keeping my habits when I'm alone, in the safety of my home. When I'm out my habits go down the drain. Not necessarily because I find them useless but rather because they are too difficult to maintain. For example I drunk beer everyday when before I had 3 weeks long no alcohol streak. Also I stopped working out, I smoked without restriction etc. This is not that bad, the occasion dictates me spending my energy on other stuff. The problem arises when I'm back at home - I have to learn the habits again, get back into the phase. Wish me luck on that one
Others' attitudes
There were 3 groups of people (in general at least) with whom I interacted. My current work colleagues, my former colleagues and newly met people. The first and third groups were very friendly and nice towards me. The second on though... The thing is, as I remind myself and you often, I'm an introvert and was even more so in the past. As such I was never the most likable guy on the block. And so, in the past I would often be ignored or at least given little mind about. Now these "popular people" are either ignoring me or are outright hostile. At first I was sad because of this - what have I done to deserve this? But now I get it - I have grown and they feel threatened around me. New current friends and newly met people don't know me from my shy, non assertive side and so they weren't hostile - they knew my value and appreciated it instead of seeing it as a challenge.
Socializing
I will not pretend for a second that I was extroverted during the conference. I wasn't. However I was quite proactive. Just take a look at the story I posted yesterday. I was able to go ahead and approach a girl! What an absolute madman I am! And there were more situations like that, albeit scope was a little bit smaller. A simple fact - I lived in a room with my two colleagues and I was always the last one to come back to the room to go to sleep. I don't think something like that would have happened before, when I would sough the safety of my room as soon as my obligations would have been met.
Here are some random thoughts I had about the conference. This list is by no means complete and I'm sure I will either remember or recognize new things in the future. If those happen to be important I'll report on them.
Decline in self-improvement
I wasn't sure how to name this but the idea is that I'm good at keeping my habits when I'm alone, in the safety of my home. When I'm out my habits go down the drain. Not necessarily because I find them useless but rather because they are too difficult to maintain. For example I drunk beer everyday when before I had 3 weeks long no alcohol streak. Also I stopped working out, I smoked without restriction etc. This is not that bad, the occasion dictates me spending my energy on other stuff. The problem arises when I'm back at home - I have to learn the habits again, get back into the phase. Wish me luck on that one
Others' attitudes
There were 3 groups of people (in general at least) with whom I interacted. My current work colleagues, my former colleagues and newly met people. The first and third groups were very friendly and nice towards me. The second on though... The thing is, as I remind myself and you often, I'm an introvert and was even more so in the past. As such I was never the most likable guy on the block. And so, in the past I would often be ignored or at least given little mind about. Now these "popular people" are either ignoring me or are outright hostile. At first I was sad because of this - what have I done to deserve this? But now I get it - I have grown and they feel threatened around me. New current friends and newly met people don't know me from my shy, non assertive side and so they weren't hostile - they knew my value and appreciated it instead of seeing it as a challenge.
Socializing
I will not pretend for a second that I was extroverted during the conference. I wasn't. However I was quite proactive. Just take a look at the story I posted yesterday. I was able to go ahead and approach a girl! What an absolute madman I am! And there were more situations like that, albeit scope was a little bit smaller. A simple fact - I lived in a room with my two colleagues and I was always the last one to come back to the room to go to sleep. I don't think something like that would have happened before, when I would sough the safety of my room as soon as my obligations would have been met.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
