06-13-2019, 06:22 AM
I didn't post for some time because shortly after my last post I stopped. I tried USLM3 a bit later but the exhaustion was too much so I stopped completely. However, after nothing seemed to improve that much and I even had hard time with simply things like following a coversation I tried to do something about it and I found out that I have some serious deficits of nutrients as well as accumulations of heavy metals in my body. It's very likely that the deficits made my recent reaction to subs that bad as it was because there weren't any ressources left to process it properly. Things like overriding the state probably just caused accelerated depletion, at least if it is also overriding the effects of toxins in the body. What I am trying to say, there are still possible factors other than fear which can have negative effects on execution. We have been just focussing on fear until now and ignored other factors. But ignoring that is like when people with rare diseases go to doctor and the doctor just says "Oh, it's all mental" because the standard tests fail to find something. NOT saying here fear is not a problem, just saying that it's most likely not the only piece of puzzle, even if it might be a very big one.
Other than that I was thinking about my last DMSI run (3.3.1) and about the fact that there was often the situation when I was close to a girls and noticed some feeling of attraction on her side which caused some initial arousement and then - in opposite to previous versions - it was just shut down and left some creepy vibe because on the one side there seemed to be at least some feeling of attraction but on the other side it was suppressed. After thinking a lot about that I realized that all the attraction I felt on past version of DMSI while being close to a women, noticing how aroused she is was a way of escape for me. First, because it felt so good to stay in that emotion and it was somehow "enough", and second it was like "Now, I know she wants me so we can stop here". It's on the one side some kind of validation, which I never had for a very long time in my life (until AM6) and it is also some kind of powerful feeling to know that my presence can arouse her. And that seems to be more important to me at some level than actually having sex with her. At least I notice a much greater emotional charge than with sex itself. In addition there seem to be some resentful parts which dislikes the idea of giving her the pleasure she is longing for because in the past no woman cared to release my "suffering" and that part of me would rather let her drown in her wetness than giving her what she wants. So how I see it as long I cannot overcome the past of not having any success with women and all the resentment about that I won't probably go anywhere with DMSI.
Saying that it looks like one of the anti-escape modules closed a possible escape. So while it sounds good there are two problems with that. First, the mix of feeling the attraction and shutting it down at the same time seemed to give me a very creepy vibe in the last version, which is even understandable as I was probably projecting two opposite things at the same time. Second, the arousement and all the feelings of attraction are essential to me to have a motivation towards the goals of DMSI itself. No feelings --> no motivation and interest in sex. This might be a bit different for people who are not that much into their emotions but for people who are very emotion based this is very noticeable. I remember, I wrote a post about another member who said that fantasizing about women and sex was like fuel for him and now on 3.3.1 it's no present anymore and Shannon just said that he is just lying to himself that this is motivation for him if DMSI did shut it down as escape. Now, I cannot speak about someone else, but for me it is indeed essential to have all of these feelings, fantasies and everything else because these things make me want to have sex at all and increase my interest in sex and women while not having this shuts it down, it's not lying to myself. Thinking alone doesn't give me much of motivation for that, the feelings do. Yes, I know, these modules can close escapes but at the same time they seem to close anything for me if the emotions get shut down.
Now, I feel somehow frustrated writing it because I already wrote some critical posts about the anti-escape-modules and all the wall and it would be reasonable if some people think I just have some agenda or something but at the same time I feel like all these concerns were never taken seriously, maybe I just feel this way, idk, so I just want that these things are considered as a possible problem. Thank you very much.
Other than that I was thinking about my last DMSI run (3.3.1) and about the fact that there was often the situation when I was close to a girls and noticed some feeling of attraction on her side which caused some initial arousement and then - in opposite to previous versions - it was just shut down and left some creepy vibe because on the one side there seemed to be at least some feeling of attraction but on the other side it was suppressed. After thinking a lot about that I realized that all the attraction I felt on past version of DMSI while being close to a women, noticing how aroused she is was a way of escape for me. First, because it felt so good to stay in that emotion and it was somehow "enough", and second it was like "Now, I know she wants me so we can stop here". It's on the one side some kind of validation, which I never had for a very long time in my life (until AM6) and it is also some kind of powerful feeling to know that my presence can arouse her. And that seems to be more important to me at some level than actually having sex with her. At least I notice a much greater emotional charge than with sex itself. In addition there seem to be some resentful parts which dislikes the idea of giving her the pleasure she is longing for because in the past no woman cared to release my "suffering" and that part of me would rather let her drown in her wetness than giving her what she wants. So how I see it as long I cannot overcome the past of not having any success with women and all the resentment about that I won't probably go anywhere with DMSI.
Saying that it looks like one of the anti-escape modules closed a possible escape. So while it sounds good there are two problems with that. First, the mix of feeling the attraction and shutting it down at the same time seemed to give me a very creepy vibe in the last version, which is even understandable as I was probably projecting two opposite things at the same time. Second, the arousement and all the feelings of attraction are essential to me to have a motivation towards the goals of DMSI itself. No feelings --> no motivation and interest in sex. This might be a bit different for people who are not that much into their emotions but for people who are very emotion based this is very noticeable. I remember, I wrote a post about another member who said that fantasizing about women and sex was like fuel for him and now on 3.3.1 it's no present anymore and Shannon just said that he is just lying to himself that this is motivation for him if DMSI did shut it down as escape. Now, I cannot speak about someone else, but for me it is indeed essential to have all of these feelings, fantasies and everything else because these things make me want to have sex at all and increase my interest in sex and women while not having this shuts it down, it's not lying to myself. Thinking alone doesn't give me much of motivation for that, the feelings do. Yes, I know, these modules can close escapes but at the same time they seem to close anything for me if the emotions get shut down.
Now, I feel somehow frustrated writing it because I already wrote some critical posts about the anti-escape-modules and all the wall and it would be reasonable if some people think I just have some agenda or something but at the same time I feel like all these concerns were never taken seriously, maybe I just feel this way, idk, so I just want that these things are considered as a possible problem. Thank you very much.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
