Its 2 am and I cant get sleep at all. Im fearless in the sense of 'I can go out now and walk around and what not. Pull some chick and bang right now. Have taken water with some bcaa's as I feel there is some fire underneath my ass.
Anyways, now that im awake, some updates. Im also in my 2nd day break.
Im growing in awareness that DMSI doesnt take away an 'pulling the trigger' I can still go out, walk up, socialize and what not, just for fucks sake. Like whatever, do it. Fear held me back and FRM does its thing.
Im going hard at the gym. Last session I ended it with me shaking, exhausted. Could barely utter a word. I was sweating like I had an intense sex session and I felt myself projecting that.
Got some stuff at the store afterwards still out of it. The girl behind the counter, was highly enganging. Her whole demeanor and energy was like "I want you" it was very intense. Her energy screamed "im picking you up, I want you, andI want to fuck you" it was pretty hot. Didnt pull it further ( why didnt I? Its a re-occuring theme, like im so caught up in the moment, flowing ) anyways, Ill see her again.
Grocery store girl. Blond. Great cueves.blushing, smiling, shy, cute. Acting highly interested. Idk what is holding me back, im getti g angry even. Pissed.
To come back to the first girl. After this bubble moment, eye contact and what not, I drove home. I kid you not. I felt good, contemplating a bit while driving, lots of people turned heads. I decided, fuck it, I feel still burned up from training. Cabrio with 3 girls was near. They all went groupie like with me. Like some sort of movie scene in which girls crush on the main character. Needless to say, it was what it was and I love it. Its like girls everywhere are engaging like that.
Now, I realizing that good reactions give me a emotional spike. Feels good having this validation going on, yet, it makes my frame dependent, and frankly, over time, uncentered. Not out of fear, but its more of an attachment. When an girl is moody for whatever reason, it also hits me. Thus becoming maddening. Good, bad whatever, it shouldnt be that my frame, my state, my own being is enslaved to dopamine spikesso to say.
At work, talk becomes sexual, women literally hook themselves up with me. Im getting more relaxed. Today with E it took lots to not just escalate right there amidst everyone. Full on physical, cheek to cheek, hanging around me, giving "fuck me" signals. "I" also has a hard time as she has her future at stake. One guy is openly hitting on her and she gets repulsed by it, because he is so needy acting. I literally am just social, unfiltered, engaging.
But, like I said, its also all external, which is why I am sort of "hesitant" to report all this.
People go ways further to please me. Doing things for me.
Im recognizing in this break some monetary ceiling. Some moments last couple of days felt like powerlessness, like my mind screams, goes blank around success and wealth, like its a huuuuge issue. Feels literally like wasting my time. I also catch myself going "into character" at times, like an automatic go to default state. I catch it more and more. Im encountering more limiting beliefs aswell which beg to be dealt with and to be released.
Like I wrote in the UMS journal, rubber meets the road. Im already there. Im success. Wealthy all of it. Car, house, living good, being creative. Im already that. But, it also feels there is an elastic band keeping me in place, like an f1 supercar spinning its wheels, making contact, yet kept into place.
Perhaps im facing some deep shit. Traumas ( im seeing anger more and more as an creative force, im good to it, loving it, even if it is finite energy and thats fine )
My confidence is growing this time in my break. Awesome. shows I need these breaks and theyre fruitfull.
Im definitely executing. I notice it internally, externally. More heat lately, more uninhibited, social, an "fuck it" attitude. Playing and toying and I actally like push pull. Its nothing personal, all fun games.
I also am thinking about why im running DMSI? I ran it because I wanted my sexual life flourish. Laycount up etc. Yet, it also is an inside job. As within, so without. Cars, houses, girls etc. All can be escapes, excuses, which INCLUDES the concept of abundance, which, in my case, also was turning into a stick to hit my shadow self ( be happy, your abundant brahhh dont fuck up your high energy brahhh ) Inner work is proceless and with that, fun is also important.
Also, now that im back at the gym, im already have companies reach out to sponsor me. I also have a newfound (refound?) Interest in nootropics, nutrition tweaking, training, how chemicals interact with eachother ( supplements ) and have as a goal to visit fibo expo.
Anyways, now that im awake, some updates. Im also in my 2nd day break.
Im growing in awareness that DMSI doesnt take away an 'pulling the trigger' I can still go out, walk up, socialize and what not, just for fucks sake. Like whatever, do it. Fear held me back and FRM does its thing.
Im going hard at the gym. Last session I ended it with me shaking, exhausted. Could barely utter a word. I was sweating like I had an intense sex session and I felt myself projecting that.
Got some stuff at the store afterwards still out of it. The girl behind the counter, was highly enganging. Her whole demeanor and energy was like "I want you" it was very intense. Her energy screamed "im picking you up, I want you, andI want to fuck you" it was pretty hot. Didnt pull it further ( why didnt I? Its a re-occuring theme, like im so caught up in the moment, flowing ) anyways, Ill see her again.
Grocery store girl. Blond. Great cueves.blushing, smiling, shy, cute. Acting highly interested. Idk what is holding me back, im getti g angry even. Pissed.
To come back to the first girl. After this bubble moment, eye contact and what not, I drove home. I kid you not. I felt good, contemplating a bit while driving, lots of people turned heads. I decided, fuck it, I feel still burned up from training. Cabrio with 3 girls was near. They all went groupie like with me. Like some sort of movie scene in which girls crush on the main character. Needless to say, it was what it was and I love it. Its like girls everywhere are engaging like that.
Now, I realizing that good reactions give me a emotional spike. Feels good having this validation going on, yet, it makes my frame dependent, and frankly, over time, uncentered. Not out of fear, but its more of an attachment. When an girl is moody for whatever reason, it also hits me. Thus becoming maddening. Good, bad whatever, it shouldnt be that my frame, my state, my own being is enslaved to dopamine spikesso to say.
At work, talk becomes sexual, women literally hook themselves up with me. Im getting more relaxed. Today with E it took lots to not just escalate right there amidst everyone. Full on physical, cheek to cheek, hanging around me, giving "fuck me" signals. "I" also has a hard time as she has her future at stake. One guy is openly hitting on her and she gets repulsed by it, because he is so needy acting. I literally am just social, unfiltered, engaging.
But, like I said, its also all external, which is why I am sort of "hesitant" to report all this.
People go ways further to please me. Doing things for me.
Im recognizing in this break some monetary ceiling. Some moments last couple of days felt like powerlessness, like my mind screams, goes blank around success and wealth, like its a huuuuge issue. Feels literally like wasting my time. I also catch myself going "into character" at times, like an automatic go to default state. I catch it more and more. Im encountering more limiting beliefs aswell which beg to be dealt with and to be released.
Like I wrote in the UMS journal, rubber meets the road. Im already there. Im success. Wealthy all of it. Car, house, living good, being creative. Im already that. But, it also feels there is an elastic band keeping me in place, like an f1 supercar spinning its wheels, making contact, yet kept into place.
Perhaps im facing some deep shit. Traumas ( im seeing anger more and more as an creative force, im good to it, loving it, even if it is finite energy and thats fine )
My confidence is growing this time in my break. Awesome. shows I need these breaks and theyre fruitfull.
Im definitely executing. I notice it internally, externally. More heat lately, more uninhibited, social, an "fuck it" attitude. Playing and toying and I actally like push pull. Its nothing personal, all fun games.
I also am thinking about why im running DMSI? I ran it because I wanted my sexual life flourish. Laycount up etc. Yet, it also is an inside job. As within, so without. Cars, houses, girls etc. All can be escapes, excuses, which INCLUDES the concept of abundance, which, in my case, also was turning into a stick to hit my shadow self ( be happy, your abundant brahhh dont fuck up your high energy brahhh ) Inner work is proceless and with that, fun is also important.
Also, now that im back at the gym, im already have companies reach out to sponsor me. I also have a newfound (refound?) Interest in nootropics, nutrition tweaking, training, how chemicals interact with eachother ( supplements ) and have as a goal to visit fibo expo.
