06-02-2019, 11:00 AM
Day 41 (1)
Work is progressing nicely, however right now I'm doing more "mundane" stuff, which is exhausting and thankless, but not necessarily difficult. Real hardcore will start tomorrow, then we'll see how I'm doing. At any rate I think I will complete today work I intended to complete today while still scoring nice walk and workout.
Like I said I have re-installed Tinder. I was using it twice already, on the first try I did nothing with it (I was too anxious to even start conversations on the platform) while on the second try I found myself a girlfriend. So I guess I have half-decent experience with it when it comes to finding what I'm looking for, in this case relationship. However that was 2 years ago and I was different person then. I wanted to prove myself something and it worked. Now I don't want to prove anything. If anything I'm puzzled why I bother...
I think what I really want to do is change my life a little. Ever since my father died (and LTU reinforced this I think) my life got very... boring, not in a bad sense. More orderly would be better term I think. I go out little if at all, I have little contact with others not counting where it's necessary. Because of this I am able to better control myself, which is amazing.
However having a partner would brighten my life a little, I would have incentives to go out and visit places, go to a pub or a restaurant. I am confident and content where I am now, but it is not sustainable in the long run. So this is a reason I think, this is what I crave. Of course anything serious will wait a little bit, but I can start writing and calling already. And with my confidence boosted in the recent days I think something good might come out all of this.
The problem is... when I browse the Tinder (which I'm not even sure why I bother like I said before) I'm very picky. I swap maybe 1 in 20 or 30 girls? Given, there are few girls fitting my criteria, all fats and feminists and gym enthusiasts and tattooed and pierced are out, not to mention fake accounts which I spot like a hawk. However there are also many nice looking girls I reject as well.
The reason, I think, is my experience with my previous Tinder girlfriend. She was nice and shy and pretty and it didn't work out. I'm not too keen on crossing the same river twice. For example my first girlfriend had tattoos and piercings and so now these are instant red lights for me. Still, I think I'm either way too judgmental or I'm too scared or anxious to try again and current Tinder affair is simply an excuse for myself. Now I can say "I do not sit idly, destiny, fetch me my perfect girlfriend".
Last time I've checked things don't work this way :/
Next time I'll be talking about my current stress predicament, LTU and Nietsche.
Work is progressing nicely, however right now I'm doing more "mundane" stuff, which is exhausting and thankless, but not necessarily difficult. Real hardcore will start tomorrow, then we'll see how I'm doing. At any rate I think I will complete today work I intended to complete today while still scoring nice walk and workout.
Like I said I have re-installed Tinder. I was using it twice already, on the first try I did nothing with it (I was too anxious to even start conversations on the platform) while on the second try I found myself a girlfriend. So I guess I have half-decent experience with it when it comes to finding what I'm looking for, in this case relationship. However that was 2 years ago and I was different person then. I wanted to prove myself something and it worked. Now I don't want to prove anything. If anything I'm puzzled why I bother...
I think what I really want to do is change my life a little. Ever since my father died (and LTU reinforced this I think) my life got very... boring, not in a bad sense. More orderly would be better term I think. I go out little if at all, I have little contact with others not counting where it's necessary. Because of this I am able to better control myself, which is amazing.
However having a partner would brighten my life a little, I would have incentives to go out and visit places, go to a pub or a restaurant. I am confident and content where I am now, but it is not sustainable in the long run. So this is a reason I think, this is what I crave. Of course anything serious will wait a little bit, but I can start writing and calling already. And with my confidence boosted in the recent days I think something good might come out all of this.
The problem is... when I browse the Tinder (which I'm not even sure why I bother like I said before) I'm very picky. I swap maybe 1 in 20 or 30 girls? Given, there are few girls fitting my criteria, all fats and feminists and gym enthusiasts and tattooed and pierced are out, not to mention fake accounts which I spot like a hawk. However there are also many nice looking girls I reject as well.
The reason, I think, is my experience with my previous Tinder girlfriend. She was nice and shy and pretty and it didn't work out. I'm not too keen on crossing the same river twice. For example my first girlfriend had tattoos and piercings and so now these are instant red lights for me. Still, I think I'm either way too judgmental or I'm too scared or anxious to try again and current Tinder affair is simply an excuse for myself. Now I can say "I do not sit idly, destiny, fetch me my perfect girlfriend".
Last time I've checked things don't work this way :/
Next time I'll be talking about my current stress predicament, LTU and Nietsche.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
