LTU 5 Emotional Freedom

[Darwinn]

I needed some time away from LTU to get my bearings and understand who I am without fear. LTU brought up the deepest fears of existential meaninglessness. I thought i'd found as deep as the well goes with SE in realising that all my problems came from me not being able to accept myself, but LTU had other plans and I had to go deeper; I was just covering over the cracks with self acceptance, I had no grounds on which to accept myself and my self acceptance was still just a means to an end. On LTU I became quite morbid, obsessed with death and the pointlessness of everything - I also started having religious anxiety; what If there is really a God and an eternity in hell awaits - this comes from growing up around families which weren't my own where this sort of threat was always on the table.

It's hard to put into words what I've learned. Fundamentally i'm back where I was in the first couple of weeks of SE but with a more robust understanding of 'what it's all about', who I am and what I have to do with my life. It's very painful facing up to this...but as Neitzche said - 'Amor Fati'.

I wasn't even I want what LTU has to offer; I'm at a place where i'm ready to live my life , and I have decisions to make which I don't want to be made for me by a subliminal - something narrower like USLM4 might be more suitable - or possibly MLS again. The other issue is that 7 hours over night while i'm trying to look after a kid
is really difficult, as is 7 hours during the day. I know i'm ready to start one of the subs again though and will decide in the next week - any thoughts from you guys would be welcome.