Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Been a while so thought I would update.

The resistance is fighting hard on getting these courses done. Got one paper done but keep on moving back the schedule for the test all the time. I know this is due to extreme fear. I remember waking up in the middle of the night like 2 days ago with this huge amount of terror for some reason. Also this morning I woke up with a whole bunch of fear about doing my test this morning which I then moved to 4pm today. I think I know what is going on. Like I alluded to in another post I think the part resisting knows I will succeed if I actually get to taking these tests and starting the assignments. I've noticed on every test since starting LTU I have not failed one of them and on the papers as soon as I start working on them I don't stop until I'm finished because its like I go into this zone.

This is the same tactic it did on DMSI. It knew I would execute so it just gave me a huge fear of not even wanting to go outside. I think this is all its got left really. All the part resisting can do is stop me from getting the ball rolling because if I start the first step it can't resist executing. Either way I did just get a good boost of motivation so will try to finally get this test done today and possibly get another one done today as well. It will get easier since its even more apparent to me what the tactic is now. Besides the fear I mentioned two posts ago I don't know what else could be causing this terror.

There was one other things I noticed that is big to me though it might not sound all that big. Usually since literally High school I believe I have always had my room with drapes that can totally block out the sunlight and never have them open. My room is usually literally dark except for light given from electronic devices or , rarely, having the lamp on. I noticed over the weekend that one day I literally had the drapes open letting in sun light all day and I didn't even notice that until it was close to evening. I found that really weird, I then left them open the other day though I was more conscious of it now and felt myself starting to feel like I should close them to be in complete darkness but I resisted. Ever since I've been leaving them open in my room to left lots of sunlight in and I'm not irritated by it like I used to be. Don't know what caused this change or what it means but the fact that I had been doing this for over a decade and I just up and changed it all is pretty note worthy.

Lastly I have noticed that when outside I actually appreciate the beauty of my environment more which is good. I only remember something similar when I was on E2 years ago. Either way it does still feel like the sub is still doing some changes. I did switch back to ultrasonic because I noticed a bit more results with hybrid but I also noticed a lot more resistance. Ultrasonic seems to give results at a steady pace for me without prompting too much resistance. In a few more days it would have been 2 months on this sub. So far it is showing itself to be very good and I'm not as fearful about things as I used to be. Something are obviously still being worked on but things are going pretty well for close to 2 months on this sub. Despite UMS eventually coming out I am tempted to stay on this sub for 6 months to see how much things change but I really need the wealth that UMS could give especially if it gets some kind of update in tech.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Will give another quick update again soon.