Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Happy Birthday man.

Good results, it's good to see after you were struggling with some things with DMSI.

Thanks a lot Ben. Very much appreciate it. 

Thought I would update real quick before I probably pass another one of my college courses tonight. As I mentioned before if I play my Cards right I should be able to graduate by the first week of April hopefully. After that I might still have to stay here and work for 2 months but we shall see. I admit I am still wondering if I want to switch to UMS when it comes out or not because so far this ride has been very good for me and the changes are just what I needed. 

I think the incident from yesterday showed just how far I had come. Eventually things have pretty much ended with the Filipina chick (We are just having some last back and forth before it seems we go our separate ways) though it ended in a way I was not happy with. I knew it had to end but I also want to make sure it ended in the right way which unfortunately the Indonesian chick didn't really help with. Essentially I talked to the filipina yesterday and told her straight forward that it would have to take something major (as in change in her) for me to take her back which she said she would be willing to do but I wasn't holding my breathe really. I said all this in a non-asshole way btw. Well, eventually later on while I was talking to the Indonesian chick the filipina had contacted the Indonesian chick to really apologize and work things out with her. Unfortunately, the Indonesian chick acted very rude (basically didn't want to be bothered with it at that moment). I saw the screen shots so I know she was being down right rude. 

Eventually the filipina re-blocked her (with out being nasty in return) and sent me pretty much the last couple of messages I would get from her. Despite knowing this eventually needed to end I was not happy at all with the way it ended especially considering I really do not like or tolerate horrible behavior. So I did have a little "talk" with the Indonesian chick. I didn't act like a jerk but at the same time I didn't let her off easy. I pointed out that she did wrong and even got her to the point of admitting to herself that she was wrong multiple times. What amazed me about this whole thing is that this was clearly in contrast to how I used to be. I would have been afraid to go into direct conflict with another person before all this. I also was patient, wise, understand but firm at the same time. I was also not afraid to speak my mind. 

This is way different from the way I'm use to conducting myself. Also my concern with the way she acted shows me that the "do what is right" programming is being executed. I'm also getting this feeling of wanting to do the right thing and also confidence that I am doing the right thing. Usually as an INTP/J, I tend to over think a lot or be in my own little world but I've noticed for the past 2 weeks or so that I don't even think half the time now. I just do things. I come to a time when I need to make a decision and just make a decision. That is it with little to no second guessing myself. The only time I really put thought to anything is when I consider my future career path after teaching English for a few months. That requires a little more thought and I have to take other variables into consideration. That does bring me back to UMS to a degree. Thinking about it and the idea that I might really want go to medical School down the road has really put in perspective that at least for the first year while in Korea I am pretty much going to have to run UMS so I can be financially independent. Once that happens, and I have a good amount of passive income then I can probably go to medical school once MLS 6G comes out. 

There is a combination of other things I have noticed as well. Essentially, I don't know what tech this is from but I have gotten these feelings on separate occasions. Its like this feeling like I'm running on a script and that everything that needs to happen will happen. One could say "Everything will be alright" but that simplistic way of putting it doesn't seem to convey the feelings I get. On top of that even I get this feeling of running on a script it feels like reality itself isn't "dry and cut" and that it can be easily manipulated. One choice here, and one choice there. I wish I could put this in better words but this feeling is hard to describe. Like I am running on a script ,willingly, but that script can be change and there can be improvises made. That is the best way I can describe it. I'm guessing its a feeling from the reality bending but it feels like something else as well that I'm not used to. Normally with just reality bending before I would just get the feeling that something has "changed" at weird times throughout the day. This is very different. 

Well in closing it would seem like if I want to meet my goals I might have to run UMS for quite a long time. I will only take breaks from that ,for extend periods of time, when subs like a Psychic sub, DMSI final, and MLS 6G comes out. I will definitely also probably run BAMM 6G when it comes out. I think the sub I will run for years to come though will be the Psychic sub if it comes out. Always been interested in that area of study for some reason. Probably because such phenomenon aren't easily explained by science in a lot of chases.