01-31-2019, 08:14 AM
(01-30-2019, 05:34 PM)Have at ye Wrote: As to what and how - hmm. What seems to be the issue for me personally is that somehow I have picked up something of an avoidant habit over the childhood years, and apparently have been trained to, above all else, avoid upsetting people, and should someone happen to become upset - avoid confrontation "to not make matters worse". So basically I've been trained to fear upsetting people, and have often been shamed or punished for standing up for myself. And, as we unfortunately all know, becoming extremely attractive sexually and/or successful, or heck, even simply healthy, tends to upset certain people to no end.
Anyhow, when push comes to shove, I usually do stuff that upsets people anyway, and stand up for myself regardless of anything (especially when pushed), BUT - the very idea of having to this day in, day out, pretty much all the time, meeting with hostility etc... now THAT's demoralizing, and scary. Because I sometimes am just so ***** tired of having to fight all the time.
I resonate with this a lot, Shannon.
