01-23-2019, 03:40 PM
(01-23-2019, 03:21 PM)mat422 Wrote: Damn. I'm feeling a ton of anger right now mixed with intense sadness. Right in the pit of my stomach. Been having these weird emotional dry heaving moments, best way I can describe it. Just really short intense bursts of emotion coming and going.
If this is TID from ltu, how the hell have I not cleared all my emotional issues with the hours I've put in over the years? Part of me was getting angry today at this as well. Thinking to myself "really? You still feel bad about yourself?" I don't get it, I've tried re framing everything, thinking positive, and improving my life but why is it it always feels like a piece of me doesn't even respond to this stuff? Makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.
These days I'm really reluctant to go digging for stuff. But I often wonder how much stuff I've repressed that's still there holding me back. It's moments like these where I feel this intense emotional turmoil inside of me and think to myself "where the **** did that come from?"
Man, can I relate to *this*.
By the by, the improvements to the FRM in ver. 4.1 did help me get through this conundrum, so ver. 4.4 should be even better at doing just that and I believe it takes fewer prisoners still. This can very well be TID.
And what's happening internally may seem extremely counter-intuitive at first, especially given how much time you or I had invested in various aspects of self-improvement. It's a bit like the "denial, anger, acceptance" grieving process, but with these tools, the acceptance should finally, I believe, become *true* acceptance of what is what, and things how they are, and *who* you actually are, on all levels, regardless of what a jumbled, incoherent mess it may be right now. And then the true work begins.
Sorry for the "guru-speak", I'm listening to DMSI3.3.1D right now and I'm reacting to it by thinking about this stuff quite a lot.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
