01-05-2019, 09:41 AM
I had a whole word vomit of a post written out that I deleted after reaching the end and realizing I was just feeding the fear with excuses.
Basically I'm really anxious about this upcoming business trip. I have to make sure everything runs smoothly. Instead of visualizing success, putting that intention in place. I've been thinking of catastrophes, how I'm going to fuck up somehow, get fired, get yelled at, etc. Basically all the wrong stuff.
You see deep down I still have this fear of not being good enough. And that's directly reflected in my fears surrounding making mistakes and the way people judge me for those mistakes. Or just in general my competency at this job. But I'm going to remind myself this. I'm not my job, I'm not my skillset, my worth isn't dependent on how productive or successful I am. I can value the skills I have, but I don't have to feel bad for the ones I lack.
I'm going to finish packing today. Work on some music. And then meditate on all this and really drill it into my head why I shouldn't care nor be afraid of this upcoming event. Because all this month I've been fueling the fear with what could possibly go horribly wrong at this thing and what it meant for me as an individual.
Basically I'm really anxious about this upcoming business trip. I have to make sure everything runs smoothly. Instead of visualizing success, putting that intention in place. I've been thinking of catastrophes, how I'm going to fuck up somehow, get fired, get yelled at, etc. Basically all the wrong stuff.
You see deep down I still have this fear of not being good enough. And that's directly reflected in my fears surrounding making mistakes and the way people judge me for those mistakes. Or just in general my competency at this job. But I'm going to remind myself this. I'm not my job, I'm not my skillset, my worth isn't dependent on how productive or successful I am. I can value the skills I have, but I don't have to feel bad for the ones I lack.
I'm going to finish packing today. Work on some music. And then meditate on all this and really drill it into my head why I shouldn't care nor be afraid of this upcoming event. Because all this month I've been fueling the fear with what could possibly go horribly wrong at this thing and what it meant for me as an individual.
INFP
