12-10-2018, 04:42 PM
I like USLM3 so far, but I'm really looking forward to LTU. It's been a while since I've run a sub in stages and I think my life does need a major overhaul.
Aside from that interesting thing happened last night. I was listening to USLM and my body was physically relaxing. And then I noticed a lot of inner tension being released around my psoas muscle. With this came the fear, but instead of reacting to it I calmed myself more. Basically calming myself through fear vs triggering it over and over causing more stress and anxiety. It felt like all this fear and anxiety stored up and when I finally let go and relaxed it got processed all at once. Sort of like I was just constantly moving and in a hyped up state to avoid fear if that makes any sense. Anyway I was really exhausted today. Mentally and physically. Getting work done was incredibly difficult.
I found myself reflecting on my past and found myself re-experiencing states of emotions linked to key moments in my life. One of these was after a session of skateboarding. I was laying down on the grass looking up at the sky. I felt a combination of sadness/gratitude for what was in front of me. Gratitude for the beauty of the world, but simultaneous sadness because I often felt I had immense trouble living in it day to day.
I'd say for most of my life I've felt like I've been in danger. That's the only way to describe it. Just this inner tension, pushing through trying to do my best, but feeling upset inside because I don't know how or what to do about any of it. I get we all have challenges in life. But sometimes I have difficulty getting up in the morning and it really makes me reflect on my life. I question how many other people feel like this. How many others want something different but are too afraid.
I'm feeling a weird mix of emotions right now. I can't pinpoint it as one specific thing. It just feels complicated.
Aside from that interesting thing happened last night. I was listening to USLM and my body was physically relaxing. And then I noticed a lot of inner tension being released around my psoas muscle. With this came the fear, but instead of reacting to it I calmed myself more. Basically calming myself through fear vs triggering it over and over causing more stress and anxiety. It felt like all this fear and anxiety stored up and when I finally let go and relaxed it got processed all at once. Sort of like I was just constantly moving and in a hyped up state to avoid fear if that makes any sense. Anyway I was really exhausted today. Mentally and physically. Getting work done was incredibly difficult.
I found myself reflecting on my past and found myself re-experiencing states of emotions linked to key moments in my life. One of these was after a session of skateboarding. I was laying down on the grass looking up at the sky. I felt a combination of sadness/gratitude for what was in front of me. Gratitude for the beauty of the world, but simultaneous sadness because I often felt I had immense trouble living in it day to day.
I'd say for most of my life I've felt like I've been in danger. That's the only way to describe it. Just this inner tension, pushing through trying to do my best, but feeling upset inside because I don't know how or what to do about any of it. I get we all have challenges in life. But sometimes I have difficulty getting up in the morning and it really makes me reflect on my life. I question how many other people feel like this. How many others want something different but are too afraid.
I'm feeling a weird mix of emotions right now. I can't pinpoint it as one specific thing. It just feels complicated.
INFP
