12-04-2018, 04:49 AM
Oof didn't get any sleep last night while uslm was playing. Basically frm kept digging. It got to a point where I let go of control and let the sub influence me more. I felt a knot deep in my stomach. I had this intuitive feeling that this was the "wall" so to speak I had continually been running into for most of my life when trying to improve. No words, no thoughts, no emotional memory, just a pure focus on this thing, this ball of fear inside me. At one point it felt like it was some kind of parasite and I got this visual representation of it in my head. Just a worm, no eyes, fangs around the mouth where it latches on. Maybe a hybrid worm/leach. I'm sure my mind had to conceptualize the fear as something in order to further detach from it. There's still that identification with fear because it influenced every aspect of my life, so thinking of it in that past way has the effect of associating it with myself again.
INFP
