USLM3- The Journey to Success

[mat422]

Man, last night was intense. I could feel myself letting go of fear, then getting afraid, letting go, getting afraid, sort of cycle. During this process I noticed this odd tingling sensation all around my body. Felt like that sensation when your arm or leg falls asleep, but not uncomfortable. Went to sleep around 11. I woke up at 12. It felt like I was woken up because I needed to consciously address this fear. But basically I stayed up for about 30 minutes just focusing on bypassing this fear, trying to cooperate with the instructions of the sub as much as possible. It was this feeling of getting to the root of everything, a lot of strong sensations in my stomach. Deep sort of primitive level of fear, like the pure fight or flight. But I just tried to stay with it as much as possible.

Feels like I'm getting closer to moving past all this. Not just transcending the current problems I face in day to day life. But what brought about that stuff to begin with. You know how it is, battling to not fail when really a part of your mind is making you head towards failure. Most of my life has been "well this really sucks, how can I make this suck less for myself or work within the boundaries I've set for myself?"