Findingme's E2 journal

[findingme]

Hey man, I think you're stuck in a loop here.

Agreed. I'm seeing an endless cycle of returning to old pain.

I'd actually encourage you to get on USLM3. Even if success isn't your goal, but I think it is.

I pulled off E2 last night. I knew I was heading towards USLM, and I needed to begin doing so. Regarding success, I agree with you. I am in it for success. My first goal is to feel ok with it and to feel ok with me once again.. Part of my cycle of pain is assuming failure on even little things. The recycling of pain in E2 has kept me low since present goals of healing have felt like I'm failing. I knew some of the low is in my lack of confidence, and I considered doing ASC first. But my lack of confidence is mostly fueled by a fear I'd fail, even in small things. I knew I might go in circles if I did ASC first, USLM is solely focused on rewriting my beliefs, and I need that instead. USLM3 begins 5 days from now.

That's controversial to most people because we are constantly told we have to experience emotional upsets, go into the pain to heal it, etc.

For at least the last 10 years of my life, I've had pride mostly in being able to express myself emotionally to others. I always feel like I'm trying to "sell" myself. Even here. In my years in 12 step groups. In almost every post I write. I've not believed I was moving forward on E2 like I had before I had my setback this week, so.....I felt like I was failing. I didn't write. Thank you for reaching out.

I have no flippin' idea how I'll change with USLM. Even imagining brings up fear and failure feelings. I'd start tonight, but don't want turbulence headaches and such.

Our minds are habit seeking. Emotional pain could very well be just strong habits built up in our minds.

Yes. Too true. Very very true in my life.

That place, that rumination, is the fear. It gives you an excuse not to keep moving forward. If you're struggling with emotional pain then it's a sort of distraction from doing what you really want to do in your life. I think it would really help you out in this regard too.

Been doing it and doing it. Again and again. Never facing my fears. Just "living" in them

I'm tired from work, and am going to stop now.

Thank you Matt! I am grateful This was a good correction and encouragement.