A discovery and a dream.
The dream first. I was at work, but I was trying to dodge attention since something was new. Some personal transporters were being used (all futuristic), and I was doing what is normal here--following the mad rush since training and followup is very scarce.
I realized I had been in charge of some group, and the boss was looking for me. I attempted to look competent, learning by watching, but the boss needed to shove his frustration out on someone else. I was the target. He began blowing up on me--he has little emotional control--working himself into a frenzy. I had to raise my voice above his to be heard. I yelled out something like "I WASN'T TOLD ANYTHING!" while all these transporters were zipping around us. He was still worked up and panicked, and I said it again just as loud. He stopped, though everything else didn't. He always looks to fire someone/blame someone else for his own incompetence. I awoke knowing this is like many days with him, for he always seems to throw someone under the bus instead of claiming some responsibility for issues.
The dream was very significant, mostly since I never have dreams on subs. I'd run OGSF 5G last night to test my findings, and I was right. I've been playing subs too loud. I played this on ultrasonic, which Shannon says is much more stressful since it's scripted like a military march. I'd resisted this when I picked it up in early 2017, as it was my first IML sub. I assumed it was due to the scripting. I learned last night it was my volume. I had and have no resistance with it still running now.
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The discovery
I stayed home yesterday, running E2 on ultrasonic. But I felt my gut was locked up, a sign that I was overloaded, or I was resisting. About midday, I did something I'd done months back, and it was a relief then. I put OGSF (masked), and I'd had a good cry, letting out built up stress. I put OGSF on ultrasonic yesterday for about 2 hours. I felt it affecting me, but I had no cry. But some tension had left.
I did have to go to my bank, and I had to go inside. I felt relaxed and relieved, even starting a conversation with a teller. Even a guy next to us joined in. I'd been thinking of Starcut's ASC thread, and I felt competent and relaxed. I didn't fully realize this until I came back home. Wow.
I ran E2 on US through the early evening, and I decided to go to bed early. Since I'd felt good, I turned OGSF back on, but this time on masked TS. I knew it was too loud at 50%, but wondered how it'd feel, so I left it for 10 minutes. I then turned it to my normal volume on VLC of 45%, and left it. Still too loud. It was unsettling. I turned it to 40%. Perfect. Audible, but not intrusive.
This is where I wondered if running it on ultrasonic would be just as calming. The TS was keeping me awake, so I got up and turned it to ultrasonic at 40%. This was my test, and it worked much more effectively than expected. I haven't remembered a dream in ages. DMSI was the last clear dream, and that was in April of this year. I've been using IML subs since January of 2017, and I've had maybe 3 dreams.
But more importantly is the volume level. I've felt resistance to some level on many IML subs, but I've been indirect or silent about it. Some whine all day about resistance, and that feels shameful to me since responsibility is put on someone else (Shannon) who patiently takes it. I haven't wanted to earn that badge of "help me! Nothing works" So, I tried something. I found a solution, and I'm glad I did. I'll run E2 at 40% tonight.
The dream first. I was at work, but I was trying to dodge attention since something was new. Some personal transporters were being used (all futuristic), and I was doing what is normal here--following the mad rush since training and followup is very scarce.
I realized I had been in charge of some group, and the boss was looking for me. I attempted to look competent, learning by watching, but the boss needed to shove his frustration out on someone else. I was the target. He began blowing up on me--he has little emotional control--working himself into a frenzy. I had to raise my voice above his to be heard. I yelled out something like "I WASN'T TOLD ANYTHING!" while all these transporters were zipping around us. He was still worked up and panicked, and I said it again just as loud. He stopped, though everything else didn't. He always looks to fire someone/blame someone else for his own incompetence. I awoke knowing this is like many days with him, for he always seems to throw someone under the bus instead of claiming some responsibility for issues.
The dream was very significant, mostly since I never have dreams on subs. I'd run OGSF 5G last night to test my findings, and I was right. I've been playing subs too loud. I played this on ultrasonic, which Shannon says is much more stressful since it's scripted like a military march. I'd resisted this when I picked it up in early 2017, as it was my first IML sub. I assumed it was due to the scripting. I learned last night it was my volume. I had and have no resistance with it still running now.
__________________________________________________
The discovery
I stayed home yesterday, running E2 on ultrasonic. But I felt my gut was locked up, a sign that I was overloaded, or I was resisting. About midday, I did something I'd done months back, and it was a relief then. I put OGSF (masked), and I'd had a good cry, letting out built up stress. I put OGSF on ultrasonic yesterday for about 2 hours. I felt it affecting me, but I had no cry. But some tension had left.
I did have to go to my bank, and I had to go inside. I felt relaxed and relieved, even starting a conversation with a teller. Even a guy next to us joined in. I'd been thinking of Starcut's ASC thread, and I felt competent and relaxed. I didn't fully realize this until I came back home. Wow.
I ran E2 on US through the early evening, and I decided to go to bed early. Since I'd felt good, I turned OGSF back on, but this time on masked TS. I knew it was too loud at 50%, but wondered how it'd feel, so I left it for 10 minutes. I then turned it to my normal volume on VLC of 45%, and left it. Still too loud. It was unsettling. I turned it to 40%. Perfect. Audible, but not intrusive.
This is where I wondered if running it on ultrasonic would be just as calming. The TS was keeping me awake, so I got up and turned it to ultrasonic at 40%. This was my test, and it worked much more effectively than expected. I haven't remembered a dream in ages. DMSI was the last clear dream, and that was in April of this year. I've been using IML subs since January of 2017, and I've had maybe 3 dreams.
But more importantly is the volume level. I've felt resistance to some level on many IML subs, but I've been indirect or silent about it. Some whine all day about resistance, and that feels shameful to me since responsibility is put on someone else (Shannon) who patiently takes it. I haven't wanted to earn that badge of "help me! Nothing works" So, I tried something. I found a solution, and I'm glad I did. I'll run E2 at 40% tonight.
I want to be FREE!
