11-01-2018, 03:32 AM
E2 is successfully battling my victim mindset, as I've been moving steadily closer to taking action in many areas of my life. I'm taking responsibility for my financial moves outside of my job, and I'm not feeling as helpless when thinking of my mom either. For example, she texted me 3 times last night, but after a small internal battle, I simply ignored them. I read them this morning, but haven't replied.
Regarding that, I'm in a new spot. Not terrified of abandonment at this moment, nor hung by guilt. I'm not completely detached either. I just don't feel owned
I lived for her before. It was messed up training. I can re-train myself, and like Yoda said, I must "unlearn" some things. I am enjoying this.
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I came on this morning, PMing a member about my next steps. I shared it was a freewriting experiment, and I modeled Mat422's morning writing style where I just spit it out and didn't critique it.
My wondering: DMSI or USLM next? The FRM is what (will be) in both, and I've had positive experiences on DMSI. I'd do it for the amped up module affecting negative attitudes or judgments towards women, and I'd like to rectify this. Sex would be nice, but my present fears about being hurt by one have had me just not looking for their attention. I knew fear would surface, so I've been rather unconfident around attractive women. So, me imagining failure is why I've not sought their attention.
Also, the undeniable motivation I felt on 3.2 is sought again. A plus for the FRM is that I joined a company using 3.2, but constantly had fears of failing. I've not used USLM yet, so I'm unsure how much I'll be motivated. ---wow, I just saw myself dismissing USLM due to fearing success!
So, those are some of my major reasons I'm thinking of this.
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Sidenote: I realized the FRM module could be put in UD this morning. Breaking through hidden lifelong holds without fears hanging on due to lots of unknowns. It's just imagined, but I felt a real internal peace with myself while on my UD run. Who knows? One day, maybe. Shannon's loaded now with work. But one day it might be put in.
Regarding that, I'm in a new spot. Not terrified of abandonment at this moment, nor hung by guilt. I'm not completely detached either. I just don't feel owned
I lived for her before. It was messed up training. I can re-train myself, and like Yoda said, I must "unlearn" some things. I am enjoying this.
______________________________________________________
I came on this morning, PMing a member about my next steps. I shared it was a freewriting experiment, and I modeled Mat422's morning writing style where I just spit it out and didn't critique it.
My wondering: DMSI or USLM next? The FRM is what (will be) in both, and I've had positive experiences on DMSI. I'd do it for the amped up module affecting negative attitudes or judgments towards women, and I'd like to rectify this. Sex would be nice, but my present fears about being hurt by one have had me just not looking for their attention. I knew fear would surface, so I've been rather unconfident around attractive women. So, me imagining failure is why I've not sought their attention.
Also, the undeniable motivation I felt on 3.2 is sought again. A plus for the FRM is that I joined a company using 3.2, but constantly had fears of failing. I've not used USLM yet, so I'm unsure how much I'll be motivated. ---wow, I just saw myself dismissing USLM due to fearing success!
So, those are some of my major reasons I'm thinking of this.
________________________________________________________
Sidenote: I realized the FRM module could be put in UD this morning. Breaking through hidden lifelong holds without fears hanging on due to lots of unknowns. It's just imagined, but I felt a real internal peace with myself while on my UD run. Who knows? One day, maybe. Shannon's loaded now with work. But one day it might be put in.
I want to be FREE!
