Shannon's Journal Discussion Volume 3

[Shannon]

Shannon, I ask the following because it's one of my own issues and it seems to be one that many in this forum suffer from which is a major contributing factor to their lack of success in life or with women.

When it comes to a controlling/overprotective mother who uses guilt to control you...what's the best way to deal with them?

Refuse to allow yourself to be treated in any way that degrades or damages you or your mental, physical and or health or success.

We can't just let go of our own mothers like we can do with toxic friends and people. So the only other choice is to just change ourselves so they finally end up respecting us based on the new vibration we put out. We change and the world around us changes mentality.

Of course you can let go of your own mother like you do with other toxic people. Don't fool yourself, toxic mothers are just like anyone else who is toxic for you, and you can and should treat them like anyone else who is toxic for you. Put yourself in a position to cut them out of your live if need be, or demand that they treat you in ways that are not toxic if not, but DO NOT EVER allow yourself to be manipulated, mistreated, hurt, used, damaged, degraded, etc. Especially by your "family and friends"! In many cases they rely on guilt, shame, fear and the like to keep you thinking "we can't just get rid of them, they're family!" No, family isn't toxic. Toxic people are toxic. Family is helpful, supportive and loving. That's why blood does not always make family.

But what if we haven't been able to achieve the success or whatever necessary for them to change their attitude towards us? I remember reading your story which you mentioned how your family didn't respect you until you finally achieved success.

My family still doesn't respect me. They still proverbially "pat me on the head" when I speak and "humor me". Some of them won't even talk to me, because they think I have everything handed to me in life. The truth is, I struggle with the best of them, because my path is unique, and nobody in my family (aside from my girlfriend) understands or values what I do. They respect me more than they did before I had my own business, but there still is little to no respect for me; in their minds, I am younger and less wealthy, and therefore, deserve less respect. Well, I deal with that by not needing their approval, understanding or validation, and accepting them as being unable to understand my position. It isn't worth my time to be bothered by. But my family isn't what I would call "toxic".

If your family is toxic and they cannot or will not change their ways (and let's face it, the only person you can change is yourself), then simply remove them from your life and make yourself free to heal and grow into a successful, happy person.

It just seems like a cruel test life has placed on a lot of us in order to force us to change. I wish I could just be myself and be accepted and respected..

You are here to learn something. That is change. And as you grow and improve, you continue to change. Sometimes the lessons are painful. Sometimes that is the only way to get you to face and outgrow fear. Whatever the method, you are being challenged to learn and grow in life. It's your choice what you do about it.