10-04-2018, 11:14 AM
It's like things are becoming clearer and clearer...
I'm starting to notice which people I like, and which people I dislike. Which people that I actually get energy/companionship from, and which people that drain me from energy. And I'm getting better and not getting "sucked into" the latter ones. This include people that are victims and people who only think about their own perspective. My mom really is a victim, and beforehand I just thought about that she was, and had my suspicions, but not I can really feel and notice it, and somewhat distance myself from it. It was in some way disclosed before, for example my friends think she is really nice, but it's like I know the truth about it. How she complains about things, how she blames other people, want them to act in different ways and it's always for "your own good". She is an expert at sugar coating her energy-taking, which ultimately her behavior is. Grown from her victim-hood in life. And the funny thing is that she often blame other for this, putting herself in some sort of "higher position", someone who doesn't. It's really hard to explain. I will buy a book on narcissism to try to figure it out better, the only thing I know right now is that her behavior is damaging for me and I need to distance myself from her, and it. That insight feels extremely valuable (my previous therapist said the same) and freeing. My goal is to totally distance my from guilt in this, which is how I have let myself be controlled by her.
I'm starting to notice which people I like, and which people I dislike. Which people that I actually get energy/companionship from, and which people that drain me from energy. And I'm getting better and not getting "sucked into" the latter ones. This include people that are victims and people who only think about their own perspective. My mom really is a victim, and beforehand I just thought about that she was, and had my suspicions, but not I can really feel and notice it, and somewhat distance myself from it. It was in some way disclosed before, for example my friends think she is really nice, but it's like I know the truth about it. How she complains about things, how she blames other people, want them to act in different ways and it's always for "your own good". She is an expert at sugar coating her energy-taking, which ultimately her behavior is. Grown from her victim-hood in life. And the funny thing is that she often blame other for this, putting herself in some sort of "higher position", someone who doesn't. It's really hard to explain. I will buy a book on narcissism to try to figure it out better, the only thing I know right now is that her behavior is damaging for me and I need to distance myself from her, and it. That insight feels extremely valuable (my previous therapist said the same) and freeing. My goal is to totally distance my from guilt in this, which is how I have let myself be controlled by her.
