Hey everybody! I know I said I'd check in at two weeks, but man time flies. This sub and following this journey has been one of the hardest, but most rewarding things I've ever done. Progress is much slower than I expected. BUT, when I think about what I was really asking for....
Really I was asking for one sub to take care of what 12 different subs would do. Subs for practicing an instrument, enhancing the brain, going to the gym, controlling sleep, controlling computer use, overcoming porn addiction, working,....the list go on.
So realizing now the colossal thing I've asked this sub to help me with, I now see that the fact I HAVE results, and I'm making PROGRESS, is nothing short of ASTOUNDING!!! This sub is enabling me to tackle so many things at once, which I believe is important because many of them are so interconnected. My art and music talent have improved up to my previous standards, and are now at the point where I don't have to worry so much about technicalities. I'm at the point of expression, and being at the point of expression is great because I can channel things like pain, happiness, etc. Before I got "good" enough at my art again, I was too worried about technical stuff, or being out of tune on my violin, to truly just be able to express. Because of this I'm much more stable than when I started.
I've attached my progress, and highlighted failures. I'm going to add some comments about the whole thing that I think are very important to note. Keep in mind at the beginning of this journey I had no control over any of these habits. Zero.
Habits that I feel are now SOLID under control: Practicing Violin, Brain Training, Drawing, Alcohol consumption, when to appropriately use sleep medication
Habits that I feel are under control for NOW but am apprehensive about: Using my blender at least once a day, being porn-free, flossing every night, going to the gym
Habits that are OK but flip-flopping: Facebook use, Hulu/TV shows/Video game use, Eating all healthy meals
Habits that are NOT in control but have made improvements on compared to when I started: Waking up @5, retiring @9, music composition (just started/added this), and making sure I work 4+ hours a day
The hardest parts of this have been sleep control and porn addiction. I had no idea how hard it would be to kick the porn but I am now 6 days free and 2 of those days were awful and I feel much stronger about it. The sleep has been a beast and I've much closer to my goal (closer to 5/9) but has been very difficult mostly due to all the life disasters I've been hit with while on this journey. It's as though now for the first time in my life that I'm actually experiencing SUCCESS, there's a little devil on my shoulder trying to make me crack and go into my old habits...throwing every kind of shit storm into my life to unbalance me. The little devil may have won some battles, but I'm winning the war and I feel so much stronger than when I started.
I want to emphasize that when I started, NONE of this was under control, not a single one of these habits and I have NEVER in my life had control of any of these except when I was a kid I was able to sleep properly...
In the past when I've tried to do this, any number of life crises would have stopped me in my tracks and pitched me back into old habits. For the first time I'm able to get knocked down and GET BACK UP. Here are some big obstacles I've come across that could have stopped me in my tracks and have stopped me in the past:
(In chronological order since I started):
A very nasty flu/virus that lasted 7+ days that made me unable to do much of anything.
A big life decision making crisis about having to move and transfer to a new university causing major stress. (#1 on spreadsheet)
My friend that I was going to be roomates with that I was relying on bailed forcing me to rethink all moving/transferring plans and causing major stress(#2)
My current university again didn't let me get into any classes because my department is overfilled and my only course is the university symphony orchestra. This again caused tremendous stress as I'm losing all financial aid (#3)
At the 30 day mark I decided to add Drawing, working 4+ hours a day, making sure to use my blender, flossing, and later music composition to my accountable activities, increasing the load on my mind and the subliminal.
I started to get severe phantom full body pain at day 34 and I was diagnosed with 3 hemorrhoids making it impossible to sit at times and being irritable and in pain all day. I was able to solve the hemorrhoid pain but the phantom pain didn't go away until I started using antibiotics. I believe something got infected before I was able to start treating them properly. I was also on painkillers for a long time, making it difficult to do a lot of things and impacted my decision-making.
Yesterday someone who I consider part of my inner circle of 5 best friends, threw away our friendship because she's "in love" with a man who isn't comfortable with her having any male friends. I fought this best I could, but it's been a major major loss and it's going to be a tough recovery. I've only lost two major friends in my life, one through suicide and the other because he had mental issues. But I will stay steadfast, it caused extra failures yesterday but I will keep fighting till I'm recovered. I will have to be even more careful choosing my best friends, because my best friends have my heart as I do theirs and it is a risky thing but the benefits are worth it I think, I just have to be more careful picking them.
Note that I started the subliminal at day 8. I'm way behind my initial projections, and this may go from a 90 day project to up to a 180 day project but I am ECSTATIC that I am indeed winning and this is all truly possible so I am in it to win it and in it for the long haul.
Really I was asking for one sub to take care of what 12 different subs would do. Subs for practicing an instrument, enhancing the brain, going to the gym, controlling sleep, controlling computer use, overcoming porn addiction, working,....the list go on.
So realizing now the colossal thing I've asked this sub to help me with, I now see that the fact I HAVE results, and I'm making PROGRESS, is nothing short of ASTOUNDING!!! This sub is enabling me to tackle so many things at once, which I believe is important because many of them are so interconnected. My art and music talent have improved up to my previous standards, and are now at the point where I don't have to worry so much about technicalities. I'm at the point of expression, and being at the point of expression is great because I can channel things like pain, happiness, etc. Before I got "good" enough at my art again, I was too worried about technical stuff, or being out of tune on my violin, to truly just be able to express. Because of this I'm much more stable than when I started.
I've attached my progress, and highlighted failures. I'm going to add some comments about the whole thing that I think are very important to note. Keep in mind at the beginning of this journey I had no control over any of these habits. Zero.
Habits that I feel are now SOLID under control: Practicing Violin, Brain Training, Drawing, Alcohol consumption, when to appropriately use sleep medication
Habits that I feel are under control for NOW but am apprehensive about: Using my blender at least once a day, being porn-free, flossing every night, going to the gym
Habits that are OK but flip-flopping: Facebook use, Hulu/TV shows/Video game use, Eating all healthy meals
Habits that are NOT in control but have made improvements on compared to when I started: Waking up @5, retiring @9, music composition (just started/added this), and making sure I work 4+ hours a day
The hardest parts of this have been sleep control and porn addiction. I had no idea how hard it would be to kick the porn but I am now 6 days free and 2 of those days were awful and I feel much stronger about it. The sleep has been a beast and I've much closer to my goal (closer to 5/9) but has been very difficult mostly due to all the life disasters I've been hit with while on this journey. It's as though now for the first time in my life that I'm actually experiencing SUCCESS, there's a little devil on my shoulder trying to make me crack and go into my old habits...throwing every kind of shit storm into my life to unbalance me. The little devil may have won some battles, but I'm winning the war and I feel so much stronger than when I started.
I want to emphasize that when I started, NONE of this was under control, not a single one of these habits and I have NEVER in my life had control of any of these except when I was a kid I was able to sleep properly...
In the past when I've tried to do this, any number of life crises would have stopped me in my tracks and pitched me back into old habits. For the first time I'm able to get knocked down and GET BACK UP. Here are some big obstacles I've come across that could have stopped me in my tracks and have stopped me in the past:
(In chronological order since I started):
A very nasty flu/virus that lasted 7+ days that made me unable to do much of anything.
A big life decision making crisis about having to move and transfer to a new university causing major stress. (#1 on spreadsheet)
My friend that I was going to be roomates with that I was relying on bailed forcing me to rethink all moving/transferring plans and causing major stress(#2)
My current university again didn't let me get into any classes because my department is overfilled and my only course is the university symphony orchestra. This again caused tremendous stress as I'm losing all financial aid (#3)
At the 30 day mark I decided to add Drawing, working 4+ hours a day, making sure to use my blender, flossing, and later music composition to my accountable activities, increasing the load on my mind and the subliminal.
I started to get severe phantom full body pain at day 34 and I was diagnosed with 3 hemorrhoids making it impossible to sit at times and being irritable and in pain all day. I was able to solve the hemorrhoid pain but the phantom pain didn't go away until I started using antibiotics. I believe something got infected before I was able to start treating them properly. I was also on painkillers for a long time, making it difficult to do a lot of things and impacted my decision-making.
Yesterday someone who I consider part of my inner circle of 5 best friends, threw away our friendship because she's "in love" with a man who isn't comfortable with her having any male friends. I fought this best I could, but it's been a major major loss and it's going to be a tough recovery. I've only lost two major friends in my life, one through suicide and the other because he had mental issues. But I will stay steadfast, it caused extra failures yesterday but I will keep fighting till I'm recovered. I will have to be even more careful choosing my best friends, because my best friends have my heart as I do theirs and it is a risky thing but the benefits are worth it I think, I just have to be more careful picking them.
Note that I started the subliminal at day 8. I'm way behind my initial projections, and this may go from a 90 day project to up to a 180 day project but I am ECSTATIC that I am indeed winning and this is all truly possible so I am in it to win it and in it for the long haul.
