09-16-2018, 01:16 PM
The meeting went ok this morning. I hadn't expected it, but when I first chose to speak, I began crying. I only cried about 10 seconds, and I let it. Then I began talking. I shared about 3 times during the meeting, which is not my norm. I'm grateful I went. I went to AlAnon almost 10 (?) years, both during and after college. The main reason I went, which we focused on today, was how the focus is on us, not our family or whoever we have been focusing on. I was raised up thinking my Mom was the only one we were supposed to watch out for, not ourselves. In short, I thought I was wrong to focus on me. It was good to find some rest today, for myself, for I needed that.
Sidenote: I'd not gone in many months, mainly since mostly women go. I talked with my old sponsor about this last night. A few women who still go are hot. I'd used that reason to not go since I'd be the only man, or one of 3 guys in there. No issue popped up today since I was sad, I looked down a lot, and I minded my own business. I didn't go to put on a front, and I didn't.
Also, I am wondering something, and it regards reasons men sought out AM6. I have been on E2, which focuses on healing oneself. I've looked at AM6 since it enables a man to grow up relationally and emotionally. On the sales page, it says one can overcome abandonment issues. That issue has been huge for me here, while on E2. That wound is why I've struggled lately posting, for I've relied on comments and likes to say I am good enough. I thought I'd "grown up" early on using E2, for I was very aware of the self validation going on. But lately, with old brother feelings surfacing, I froze up and tried to push away feelings. Which was why I cried today in AlAnon. Being there meant I was allowed, so I wept.
I'm wondering how many men began AM6 to do some growing up? Shannon's said he's no longer the boy he once was. And reading AM journals encourages me, as it's growth vs. instant change, which I value now. Some begin it for women, some do it for status, but IMO those are just nice add-ons. I'm seeking some self reliance, some confidence in myself, and some knowledge that I have the tools and maturity to accept life on life's terms.
Sidenote: I'd not gone in many months, mainly since mostly women go. I talked with my old sponsor about this last night. A few women who still go are hot. I'd used that reason to not go since I'd be the only man, or one of 3 guys in there. No issue popped up today since I was sad, I looked down a lot, and I minded my own business. I didn't go to put on a front, and I didn't.
Also, I am wondering something, and it regards reasons men sought out AM6. I have been on E2, which focuses on healing oneself. I've looked at AM6 since it enables a man to grow up relationally and emotionally. On the sales page, it says one can overcome abandonment issues. That issue has been huge for me here, while on E2. That wound is why I've struggled lately posting, for I've relied on comments and likes to say I am good enough. I thought I'd "grown up" early on using E2, for I was very aware of the self validation going on. But lately, with old brother feelings surfacing, I froze up and tried to push away feelings. Which was why I cried today in AlAnon. Being there meant I was allowed, so I wept.
I'm wondering how many men began AM6 to do some growing up? Shannon's said he's no longer the boy he once was. And reading AM journals encourages me, as it's growth vs. instant change, which I value now. Some begin it for women, some do it for status, but IMO those are just nice add-ons. I'm seeking some self reliance, some confidence in myself, and some knowledge that I have the tools and maturity to accept life on life's terms.
I want to be FREE!
