My 2nd point goes along with my 1st, the self validation.
I considered coming here, sharing this, but ignoring the truth that I wanted to write to receive some confirmation/affirmation that I was worthy. Still a bit sappy presently from point #1 above.
In short, I wanted to admit and share that I've been resisting something in E2 since its had a strong foundation. I've felt that lump in the throat, a desire to cry it out........and have resisted it. It's a fear that my sadness will take over and I'll be stuck in pain. Like life would definitely change if I went there or maybe even let go of whatever it was. I've been in my head some, and what I've feared, I've only.....well, feared.
I've never been this emotional on E2, even though this feeling has surfaced before. I usually pushed it back or ignored it. I thought earlier about diverting onto experiences using UD since it overpowered resistance well, and I'd often cry stuff out. (It'd make me--kind of--look good being successful on UD)
But that's what point #2 was. I've been resisting. I'll also share I've felt ashamed of this since I equated it with thinking I was failing. Hiding feelings of failure have been major, primary needs of mine, for I feared the shame and self-incrimination I'd put on since.......it's what I've known.
It goes like this. I feel like I'm failing, and I edge towards shaming and belittling myself. So, I try to veer away from that feeling quickly.
I'm crying again. I've failed a lot of times, but have hid it. First, from myself. And then to anybody else.
I'm going through this now. I'll continue validating myself.....
I considered coming here, sharing this, but ignoring the truth that I wanted to write to receive some confirmation/affirmation that I was worthy. Still a bit sappy presently from point #1 above.
In short, I wanted to admit and share that I've been resisting something in E2 since its had a strong foundation. I've felt that lump in the throat, a desire to cry it out........and have resisted it. It's a fear that my sadness will take over and I'll be stuck in pain. Like life would definitely change if I went there or maybe even let go of whatever it was. I've been in my head some, and what I've feared, I've only.....well, feared.
I've never been this emotional on E2, even though this feeling has surfaced before. I usually pushed it back or ignored it. I thought earlier about diverting onto experiences using UD since it overpowered resistance well, and I'd often cry stuff out. (It'd make me--kind of--look good being successful on UD)
But that's what point #2 was. I've been resisting. I'll also share I've felt ashamed of this since I equated it with thinking I was failing. Hiding feelings of failure have been major, primary needs of mine, for I feared the shame and self-incrimination I'd put on since.......it's what I've known.
It goes like this. I feel like I'm failing, and I edge towards shaming and belittling myself. So, I try to veer away from that feeling quickly.
I'm crying again. I've failed a lot of times, but have hid it. First, from myself. And then to anybody else.
I'm going through this now. I'll continue validating myself.....
I want to be FREE!
