Went to mom's. Felt uncomfortable. Was hovered over when doing what she asked. I saw why I self criticize, as she only spoke when something was not perfect.
And yay me! I spoke up about the hovering near the end of my visit. I said I always wait for her "correction", but I also said I knew some things are never perfect, trying to share my frustration. She said she'd not do that next time.
I left there feeling very unsettled. Very uncomfortable. I wanted to share it with someone else (or anyone), so I went to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in my town since it was the only meeting I knew of or felt relatively safe in. The reading was on a spiritual focus, which I won't share (Rule 4), but I picked up what I needed from it. Sometimes, just being in a meeting can shrink my problems to reasonable size. It worked. I didn't share since I'm not a drug addict, but I got what I needed.
And the meeting ended. I felt comfortable about just leaving, which I did. But I had confused feelings about not talking or connecting with anyone after. And I think I saw why, thanks to E2. I'd bitched about my mom this morning, and how she lied and manipulated to get her needs met. Years back in meetings, I heard "if you spot it, you've got it". I'd been thinking of this when I first left my place to go see my mom. And as I began leaving the meeting, I realized I felt uncomfortable staying and talking since, out of a fear I've held to, I've lied and manipulated to get and keep people's attention. I shared here today I hate that. I hate it because I do it myself.
I hope E2 will help me be more honest and more open when sharing with others. I'll add I'm grateful I'm committed to this for 90 days, especially with all the new toys (subs) out. I will say sharing here is a relief now. It is a very good start
And yay me! I spoke up about the hovering near the end of my visit. I said I always wait for her "correction", but I also said I knew some things are never perfect, trying to share my frustration. She said she'd not do that next time.
I left there feeling very unsettled. Very uncomfortable. I wanted to share it with someone else (or anyone), so I went to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in my town since it was the only meeting I knew of or felt relatively safe in. The reading was on a spiritual focus, which I won't share (Rule 4), but I picked up what I needed from it. Sometimes, just being in a meeting can shrink my problems to reasonable size. It worked. I didn't share since I'm not a drug addict, but I got what I needed.
And the meeting ended. I felt comfortable about just leaving, which I did. But I had confused feelings about not talking or connecting with anyone after. And I think I saw why, thanks to E2. I'd bitched about my mom this morning, and how she lied and manipulated to get her needs met. Years back in meetings, I heard "if you spot it, you've got it". I'd been thinking of this when I first left my place to go see my mom. And as I began leaving the meeting, I realized I felt uncomfortable staying and talking since, out of a fear I've held to, I've lied and manipulated to get and keep people's attention. I shared here today I hate that. I hate it because I do it myself.
I hope E2 will help me be more honest and more open when sharing with others. I'll add I'm grateful I'm committed to this for 90 days, especially with all the new toys (subs) out. I will say sharing here is a relief now. It is a very good start
I want to be FREE!
