08-12-2018, 08:28 AM
A test? Yeah.
I was with my friends playing a game last night, and my brother called. Most of my recent interactions with him have had strong guilt and shame trips, so I ignored it. Forgot about the voicemail.
He called this morning, back to back, like an insistence I answer. Ignored it again. But it was only a voicemail. So I listened 10 minutes later. My mom, 78 years old, had fallen, breaking a rib. My brother called from the hospital.
I first called him, but it went to voicemail. So, I called my mom, the main guilt message my brother had left. Seriously, this is f***ing sick; he makes miserable decisions for himself, insisting we do the same, and always getting angry with me or others who think differently. So, I called my mom, thinking she may not be able to pick it up. She did.
She talked 15 minutes. "This went wrong, that went wrong"....... She even got angry at her nurse who vocalized that she'd had enough and had to leave the room. After hearing my mom bitch for 15 minutes, I understood her nurse vacating. When everything is "wrong", why stick around? Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
In truth, many things did go wrong, mainly since my mom does not take care of herself physically. An EMT actually tore her skin when he and another EMT were moving her onto a gurney. And when his hand slipped, she dropped with her elbow breaking on the steel bed rail.
I feel like I "should" be compassionate towards my mother, a shaming message--uggghhhh. And this may be very selfish: I've been thinking "you don't take care of yourself. Don't blame OTHERS for you being hurt--this is a result of YOUR actions" She didn't request I come see her since my brother is there, and my other brother is coming from Miami. A very sick trio, IMO. (But it takes one to know one
)
Ok, I can stay in touch with her. No problem. And she didn't guilt trip me or anything.
My brother called back, full of angry expectations that I "should" visit. I don't hear love. I hear "I'm angry from being with a person acting helpless, I feel powerless trying to help her, and I need to push my frustration on YOU."
Why the **** would I even want to? S*** spreads.
The guilting and shaming are toxic, toxic, toxic. I'll stay in touch with my mom. My brother--as little as possible.
Thank you for creating OGSF and E2 Shannon. I'd just be "reacting" to everything, like they are, without it. And I used to. I'm really, really not enjoying their created fiasco, and I have no need to "fix" it either. Neither of them are helpless children.
I was with my friends playing a game last night, and my brother called. Most of my recent interactions with him have had strong guilt and shame trips, so I ignored it. Forgot about the voicemail.
He called this morning, back to back, like an insistence I answer. Ignored it again. But it was only a voicemail. So I listened 10 minutes later. My mom, 78 years old, had fallen, breaking a rib. My brother called from the hospital.
I first called him, but it went to voicemail. So, I called my mom, the main guilt message my brother had left. Seriously, this is f***ing sick; he makes miserable decisions for himself, insisting we do the same, and always getting angry with me or others who think differently. So, I called my mom, thinking she may not be able to pick it up. She did.
She talked 15 minutes. "This went wrong, that went wrong"....... She even got angry at her nurse who vocalized that she'd had enough and had to leave the room. After hearing my mom bitch for 15 minutes, I understood her nurse vacating. When everything is "wrong", why stick around? Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
In truth, many things did go wrong, mainly since my mom does not take care of herself physically. An EMT actually tore her skin when he and another EMT were moving her onto a gurney. And when his hand slipped, she dropped with her elbow breaking on the steel bed rail.
I feel like I "should" be compassionate towards my mother, a shaming message--uggghhhh. And this may be very selfish: I've been thinking "you don't take care of yourself. Don't blame OTHERS for you being hurt--this is a result of YOUR actions" She didn't request I come see her since my brother is there, and my other brother is coming from Miami. A very sick trio, IMO. (But it takes one to know one
)Ok, I can stay in touch with her. No problem. And she didn't guilt trip me or anything.
My brother called back, full of angry expectations that I "should" visit. I don't hear love. I hear "I'm angry from being with a person acting helpless, I feel powerless trying to help her, and I need to push my frustration on YOU."
Why the **** would I even want to? S*** spreads.
The guilting and shaming are toxic, toxic, toxic. I'll stay in touch with my mom. My brother--as little as possible.
Thank you for creating OGSF and E2 Shannon. I'd just be "reacting" to everything, like they are, without it. And I used to. I'm really, really not enjoying their created fiasco, and I have no need to "fix" it either. Neither of them are helpless children.
I want to be FREE!
